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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

some people think that universities should provide graduates with the knowledge and skills needed in the workplace. Others think that the true function of a university should be to give access to knowledge for its own sake, regerdless of whether the course is useful to an employer. what, in your opinion, should be the main function of a university?

#people #universities #graduates #skills #workplace #function #university #access #sake #regerdless #course #employer
These days, universities
seems
Change the verb form
seem
show examples
 to be a place to foster
Correct article usage
a skillful
show examples
skillful
Change the spelling
skilful
show examples
 and knowledgeable workforce, by which countries can take advantage of graduates.
While
 a number of individuals think the critical role of the academies
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 providing educated employees for all needed arenas, others argue that the goal
science
Change preposition
of science
show examples
 goes beyond training
people
 just for work. On the one hand, there is a
floklore
Correct your spelling
folklore
 among ordinary
people
 that
for getting
Change preposition
to get
show examples
 better
job
 states and higher
remunration
Correct your spelling
remuneration
people
 ought to go to college which has led to
people
consider
Wrong verb form
considering
show examples
 an academic major like a step of
ladder
Add an article
the ladder
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 to get
promotion
Add an article
a promotion
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 which is an
undinable
Correct your spelling
undeniable
undeniably
 increasing phenomenon. Companies not only take into account the university degree to hire
job
 seekers but
also
 willing to pay more salary to them.
That is
 why
people
 think it is the primary function of the
accademic
Correct your spelling
academic
.
Moreover
, the government are spending a great deal of budget to facilitate universities. The more money they spend, the more practical look they give to
accademic
Correct your spelling
academic
 fields.
On the other hand
, opponents contend that officials are in charge of providing
job
 opportunities and it
was
Verb problem
has
show examples
 never depended on science.
The science
Correct article usage
Science
show examples
 should be taught for itself;
otherwise
,
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
plenty of majors, looking
impraactical
Correct your spelling
impractical
 will be died out gradually. There are numerous fields that are
percious
Correct your spelling
precious
 but any particular
job
is not allocates
Change the verb form
is not allocated
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 graduates like Archeology.
Furthermore
, the prominent duty of universities is
producing
Change the verb form
to produce
show examples
 knowledge and concrete of countries' scientific infrastructure which can be exerted in the near future. The academy area should be a place for those who are thirsty to know more and more.
To conclude
,
although
 teaching some practical majors sounds appealing, in my opinion, it is not definitely
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right decision
due to
 the fact that some fields like mathematics open a new look for other majors
will
Correct pronoun usage
that will
show examples
 be put out of business by
this
 approach.
Submitted by amirhossein7179 on

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structure
Consider a more structured approach to your essay, starting with a clear introduction that includes your thesis statement, followed by well-organized paragraphs for each main idea, and concluding with a summary that reaffirms your stance.
language
Avoid spelling and grammar errors, such as 'floklore' (folklore), 'accaemic' (academic), and 'remunration' (remuneration). Consistent errors can detract from the clarity and professionalism of your writing.
cohesion
Use clear topic sentences to start each paragraph, followed by explanation, example, and finally, a sentence that links back to the essay question. This method enhances the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
language
Incorporate a broader range of vocabulary and complex sentence structures to make your argument more compelling and to demonstrate a higher level of English fluency.
content
When providing examples, ensure they are specific and directly support your argument. Vague or generalized examples weaken your essay's convincing power.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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