Parents of obese children should be punished for making them fat. Do you Agree or disagree?
Some people deem that parents should be liable for making their
children
obese. This
essay agrees with this
statement because healthy nutritional habits are responsibility
of tutors and health problems associated Add an article
the responsibility
to
malnourishment Change preposition
with
on
infants make even more Change preposition
in
kids
become ill adults. However
, even though these mentioned aspects, there are some moot points which we will discuss in the following lines.
There are many factors which have impact
on Add an article
an impact
children
becoming obese, such
as genetics and social-economic
status. Correct your spelling
socioeconomic
Besides
that, nowadays, we are living a
pandemic related to a Change preposition
in a
genertion
of Correct your spelling
generation
kids
who do not play outside because of the intense use of technological gatgets
. Correct your spelling
gadgets
Thus
, it supposed
to explain the gain of Add a missing verb
is supposed
wheight
on infants.
Correct your spelling
weight
However
, the basic thing on
a healthy body for Change preposition
about
children
or adults is conditioned by what we eat. And unfortuntely
, it is widely Correct your spelling
unfortunately
commom
Correct your spelling
common
parents
Change preposition
for parents
having
their supermarket Change the verb form
to have
trollers
full of Correct your spelling
trolleys
soft-drinks
, savoury snacks and sugary Correct your spelling
soft drinks
food
instead
of natural fruits and vegetables. As a consequence
, many kids
are suffering from diabetes and obesity because of the ingestion of industrilized
and Correct your spelling
industrialized
industrialised
ultraprocessed
Correct your spelling
ultra-processed
ultra processed
food
. It is clear that
this
triggers bad nutrition guided by bad choices. In addition
, these future adults will bring their health problems with them in
their adulthood, as far as the intense consumerism of unhealthy Change preposition
into
food
Change preposition
at in
in
early Correct your spelling
an
ages
will make them chronically ill people.
Fix the agreement mistake
age
To conclude
, as we can see, there are many factors which can develop obesity in children
associated to
social conditions, Change preposition
with
genetic
, or lack of activity, but the main problem is generated by parents who provide low-quality Replace the word
genetics
food
to their kids
. Thus
, they are completely responsible for this
.Submitted by carinabmurakami on
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task achievement
Ensure a clear opinion throughout the essay. Although your stance is evident, reiterating or emphasizing it in the conclusion can strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider variety of linking words and phrases to enhance flow and readability. While the current use is competent, further variety can demonstrate higher language proficiency.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples or data to substantiate your arguments. This could include statistics or studies related to diet and obesity among children.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
