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Writing Samples
Band 7

The scientist believes that computers will become more intelligent than human beings. Some people find it is a positive while others think it is a negative development. Discuss both points and give your own opinion

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The question of whether computing devices will one day grow more brilliant than the human race has prompted a substantial debate among men of science.
While
 many argue against
this
, as they fear overthrowing global leadership, others advocate for it since they could perform duties that would have endangered
humans
, and
this
, in my opinion, offers tremendous benefits because it will save countless lives. Analyzing these facts will give a comprehensive overview of
this
 subject matter. On the one hand, computers could overthrow the world's power and take control.
This
 would be a disaster,
due to
, a lack of empathy, so would make inhuman decisions.
For instance
, my recently concluded capstone project on machine advancement showed that evolution and success are possible, which is inevitable if machines are allowed to merge forward. Clearly, we risk extinction if systems become cleverer.
Therefore
, why many individuals believe it is a negative development.
On the other hand
, robusts could take over duties and tasks that endanger men since more lives could be saved.
For example
, I lost a cousin in the
Nigeria
Replace the word
Nigerian
show examples
 civil war.
This
 was so devastating for my family and, sadly, his wife committed suicide, the couple could still be alive if machines fought our wars. Obviously, many
humans
 could have been spared early graves if machines were allowed to advance. In my opinion, I believe that
this
 positive development ensures the security of mankind across the globe. Is life worth living amidst the insecurities and terrorism? In conclusion, the argument surrounding the outcome of computers becoming more evolved than
humans
 has sparked
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
considerable dispute. Even though some challenge
this
 idea because they fear possible evolution, others encourage it because they will take up duties that put
humans
 in grave danger. From my perspective, I believe
this
 is a positive outcome because it offers a chance to live.
Submitted by Eby on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure a consistent and logical structure throughout your essay. Each paragraph should clearly address a single main idea, backed with specific examples or explanations.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a variety of linking words and phrases to help the reader understand the relationship between ideas. However, be careful not to overuse or misuse them.
Task Achievement
Fully address the task by discussing both views mentioned in the prompt and providing your own opinion. Ensure that your opinion is clear and well-supported throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
Use specific examples to support your arguments. While hypothetical or personal examples can be effective, ensure they are relevant and contribute to a deeper understanding of your points.
General Advice
Strive for clarity in your writing by using precise vocabulary and clear sentence structures. Avoid overly complex sentences that may confuse the reader or detract from the clarity of your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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