IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that students should study only subjects that will be useful in the future, while others believe they should study a wide range of subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Get started →
Some people believe that
students
Use synonyms
 should study only the
subjects
Use synonyms
 that will be useful for their future careers,
while
Linking Words
 others think they should learn a wide
range
Use synonyms
 of
subjects
Use synonyms
. Both views have their own advantages in modern education. I partially agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement.
This
Linking Words
 essay will provide evidence to support my point of view. On the one hand, I agree that studying a wide
range
Use synonyms
 of
subjects
Use synonyms
 is tremendously useful. It helps
students
Use synonyms
 become more knowledgeable and well-rounded individuals.
For example
Linking Words
, learning science, history, languages, and art allows
students
Use synonyms
 to understand the world from different perspectives.
In addition
Linking Words
, not every student knows what career they want at a young age, so studying different
subjects
Use synonyms
 gives them more opportunities to discover their interests.
As a result
Linking Words
, they can make better decisions about their future.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 approach helps
students
Use synonyms
 improve their communication, creativity, and problem-solving
skills
Use synonyms
, which are useful in almost every profession.
However
Linking Words
,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, restricting higher education to narrow professional pipelines is a short-sighted approach. I totally disagree with
this
Linking Words
 approach. The modern job market is extremely volatile, and rapid technological advancements can render highly specific
skills
Use synonyms
 obsolete within a decade.
By contrast
Linking Words
, studying a wide
range
Use synonyms
 of
subjects
Use synonyms
, including the arts, literature, and
history
Punctuation problem
history,
show examples
 nurtures essential transferable
skills
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as critical thinking, communication, and emotional intelligence. These creative and humanistic disciplines train individuals to adapt to changing environments.
This
Linking Words
 allows them to solve complex, unpredictable problems across various professional sectors. In conclusion, I strongly believe that
students
Use synonyms
 should study a wide
range
Use synonyms
 of
subjects
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of only those related to future jobs.
a
Capitalize the word
A
show examples
 broad education develops many essential
skills
Use synonyms
 and opens more opportunities.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make your view the same all through the essay. You say 'partially agree' first, but later you say you 'totally disagree' and 'strongly believe' the other side is best.
task response
Add one more clear example to support your main idea. Now you give only one simple example about school subjects.
task response
Explain the other side more fairly. The essay says 'both views' matter, but most of the essay supports only one side.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a smoother way. Some parts jump from one point to another too fast.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the style even. Some words are very simple, but some are too formal and heavy, so the essay does not sound fully natural.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main idea, then add support in a clear order.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present and easy to see.
task response
Most ideas are relevant to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphing well, with clear body paragraphs.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: