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Band 5.5

Some people believe that pop stars deserve to earn more money than classical music performers. Some disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #pop #stars #money #music #performers #disagree
Nowadays,
pop
stars
 and classical
music
 both play a vital role in everyone's life. Some people state that
pop
stars
 deserve to earn more money.
While
 other
rejects
Correct subject-verb agreement
reject
show examples
this
 notion, as they believe classical artists are more deserving . I will explain both my view and my opinion in upcoming paragraphs and
thus
, lead to a logical conclusion. Many youngsters support
pop
stars
 and believe that are more deserving to earn more money because of their songs and achievements. Many
pop
stars
 make creative videos and use violent stunts and acts in songs which look more fascinating and hardworking job. They become role models for youngsters and for a new generation.
For instance
, the survey was conducted in 2020 and it shows that 70% of youngsters support
pop
stars
 and copy their style. Some people support classical
music
 performers because of their social and cultural values. Their songs are rooted in the traditional culture and aspects . Listening to classical
music
 gives a positive energy and every person can listen and enjoy the performance.
For instance
, 80% of people who are 40 plus age listen to more classical
music
. In my opinion, every artist deserves money for their hard work because they put their all dedication and time into becoming a role model in society.
Pop
music
 gives us an energetic vibe and classical
music
 performers give us calm and peace both play their own roles in everybody's life. In conclusion, everyone deserves
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
according to
 their popularity. We have to appreciate all the artists who contribute to our nation to the next level.
Submitted by shubhdeepkaur2 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical structure throughout the essay. Your ideas should flow naturally from one paragraph to the next, using appropriate transitions to guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but could be more detailed, particularly in presenting your thesis statement and summarizing your main points. Aim for clarity and precision.
task achievement
While you provide examples, expanding on these with more detailed explanations would strengthen your argument. It is crucial that your examples directly support the points you are making.
task achievement
Address the task more fully by discussing both views comprehensively and providing a more developed personal opinion. Ensure that your essay answers all parts of the question.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, try to use a wider range of cohesive devices and topic sentences that clearly signal the main idea of each paragraph.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • appeal
  • broad
  • diverse
  • revenue
  • merchandise
  • streaming services
  • pop culture
  • mass media
  • marketable
  • undergo
  • dedication
  • master
  • craft
  • justification
  • rarity
  • specialized skill set
  • elevate
  • worth
  • audience
  • public funding
  • patronage
  • financial dynamics
  • disparity
  • market trends
  • cultural trends
  • artistic value
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