Some people believe that pop stars deserve to earn more money than classical music performers. Some disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #pop #stars #money #music #performers #disagree

Nowadays,

pop

stars

and classical

music

both play a vital role in everyone's life. Some people state that

pop

stars

deserve to earn more money.

While

other

rejects

Correct subject-verb agreement

reject

show examples

this

notion, as they believe classical artists are more deserving . I will explain both my view and my opinion in upcoming paragraphs and

thus

, lead to a logical conclusion. Many youngsters support

pop

stars

and believe that are more deserving to earn more money because of their songs and achievements. Many

pop

stars

make creative videos and use violent stunts and acts in songs which look more fascinating and hardworking job. They become role models for youngsters and for a new generation.

For instance

, the survey was conducted in 2020 and it shows that 70% of youngsters support

pop

stars

and copy their style. Some people support classical

music

performers because of their social and cultural values. Their songs are rooted in the traditional culture and aspects . Listening to classical

music

gives a positive energy and every person can listen and enjoy the performance.

For instance

, 80% of people who are 40 plus age listen to more classical

music

. In my opinion, every artist deserves money for their hard work because they put their all dedication and time into becoming a role model in society.

Pop

music

gives us an energetic vibe and classical

music

performers give us calm and peace both play their own roles in everybody's life. In conclusion, everyone deserves

fund

Fix the agreement mistake

funds

show examples

according to

their popularity. We have to appreciate all the artists who contribute to our nation to the next level.

Submitted by shubhdeepkaur2 on Mon Mar 04 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure a clear and logical structure throughout the essay. Your ideas should flow naturally from one paragraph to the next, using appropriate transitions to guide the reader.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are present but could be more detailed, particularly in presenting your thesis statement and summarizing your main points. Aim for clarity and precision.

task achievement

While you provide examples, expanding on these with more detailed explanations would strengthen your argument. It is crucial that your examples directly support the points you are making.

task achievement

Address the task more fully by discussing both views comprehensively and providing a more developed personal opinion. Ensure that your essay answers all parts of the question.

coherence cohesion

To improve coherence, try to use a wider range of cohesive devices and topic sentences that clearly signal the main idea of each paragraph.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

264 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

appeal
broad
diverse
revenue
merchandise
streaming services
pop culture
mass media
marketable
undergo
dedication
master
craft
justification
rarity
specialized skill set
elevate
worth
audience
public funding
patronage
financial dynamics
disparity
market trends
cultural trends
artistic value

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Some people believe that pop stars deserve to earn more money than classical music performers. Some disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

Some people think that success life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

Some businesses find that their new employees lack basic interpersonal skills such as cooperative skill. What are the causes and suggest possible solutions.

Ensuring that children have regular physical exercise should be the responsibility of parents and therefore schools should not waste valuable school time having sports lessons as part of the curriculum. To what extent do you agree.