IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In future more people will choose to go to holiday in their own country and not travel abroad on holidays. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is argued that individuals will tend to go on holiday in their own nations rather than choosing destinations abroad.
This
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 essay disagrees completely with that suggestion because
people
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 are always eager to discover something new and for financial reasons. It is conspicuous that citizens are willing to travel
in
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to
show examples
 other
countries
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, aiming to discover something new. Indeed,
people
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 are naturally knowledgeable about their own states because they were simply brought up in it,
whereas
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, travelling often aims to taste new experiences
as well as
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 new cultures in order to enhance their personal life conception.
Hence
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, it would be much more meaningful for individuals to go on trips abroad
their
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to their
show examples
 native
countries
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 rather than travelling in them. A recent survey which included 10000 candidates, published in "Le Matin", a famous Moroccan newspaper, showcased the fact that more than 70% of participants expressed the desire to travel abroad because of the aforementioned reason. The second reason why citizens would always make the choice of stranger destinations is that it would be cheaper to travel abroad. It is crystal clear that financial concerns remain a consequential element when
people
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 are planning their holidays.In fact, some
countries
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 feature cheaper offers concerning activities, hotels and food, which make them first-rate destinations for tourists. Money matters for everyone,
therefore
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, paying more to discover something already experienced would be insane for individuals.
For example
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, it is renowned that European citizens prefer to spend their holidays in Asian
countries
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,
such
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 as Thailand and Indonesia, rather than in Europe, as they provide interesting offers from an economic viewpoint. In conclusion, it would be ridiculous to think that
people
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 are going to choose to spend their holidays in their own
countries
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 rather than travelling abroad because it is much more interesting from a cultural viewpoint
in addition
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 to the financial advantage it features.

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task achievement
Clarify and strengthen your main argument in the introduction. Consider specifying the reasons more explicitly to give clearer guidance to the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of linking devices to enhance the flow of your essay. For example, instead of 'whereas', consider 'in contrast' or 'on the other hand'.
task achievement
Make sure your supporting examples are directly linked to your arguments to reinforce your points. For example, when discussing cheaper travel options, explain further why that impacts people's choices more significantly.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states your position against the idea, establishing a strong foundation for your essay.
task achievement
You provide relevant data and examples which enhance the credibility of your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay maintains a logical sequence of ideas, progressing smoothly from one point to the next.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • domestic tourism
  • travel costs
  • carbon footprint
  • environmental awareness
  • local destinations
  • cultural attractions
  • historical sites
  • global crises
  • pandemics
  • geopolitical tensions
  • social media
  • travel experiences
  • explore
  • eco-friendly
  • rich experiences
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