IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Write a letter to a friend who lives in a different city. a.Tell him/her about your recent job offer b.Tell him/her about your arrangement of a dinner to celebrate your achievement c.Inform him/her about the arrangement of his/her accommodation

#friend #lives #city #job #offer #b #arrangement #dinner #achievement #c #accommodation
Dear Sam, I hope you doing well and I'm so excited to share some exciting news about my new job as a senior tattoo artist in Canada. I was so stressed about
this
 job because every single artist has
great
Add an article
a great
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 portfolio with them and I was so nervous during the interview. I
finally
 got an email 3 days ago that they wanted me to work with them. I was over the moon and next week I'm going to work at my new place. I have arranged a dinner to celebrate
this
 achievement with all of my friends who support me a lot. I organised the dinner at Redfort Hotel in Brockville on 27th October and one more thing I have decided black dress code and organized live piano music. As I know you are coming from the States and I've already booked a room reservation in the same hotel. I'll attach all the venue details with
this
 letter. Can't wait to see you soon. I hope to hear from you soon. Cheers, Alex
Submitted by shubhdeepkaur2 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Use more diverse connectors and linking words to enhance the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs. This will enrich the cohesion of the text.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea for clarity and impact. While you've generally managed this, occasionally refining or clearly demarcating your ideas could aid reader comprehension.
Task Achievement
Consider including a brief introduction or more personalized details in the opening or closing, which could elevate the personal tone suitable for letters to friends.
Task Achievement
For an even stronger task response, you could expand on the details of your job offer or dinner arrangements, creating a fuller picture for the reader. This could include why the job is important to you personally or specific excitement points about the dinner.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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