some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for commmiting it, should always be taken into account when deciding an the punishment. discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Due to
the fact that the majority of adult's heydays
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
spent on
work
, job satisfaction plays a crucial role
is
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
their welfare. The reality is plenty of
fators
Correct your spelling
factors
contributing
Wrong verb form
contribute
show examples
to career contentment and in my opinion, providing
this
ambition for all people
entirly
Correct your spelling
entirely
, is definitely far-fetched. Various factors are attributed to
sense
Add an article
a sense
the sense
show examples
of
work
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
;
for instance
, how much money you obtain has a direct impact on the both quantity and quality of your reaction. The more salary you earn, the more you can allocate to your desired hobbies. Another reason by which employees could
work
without stress is definitely, job security that individuals can
work
with either hopsulness or contentment.
The
Correct article usage
Last
show examples
last
but not least,
working
Add a missing verb
is working
show examples
time, allowing people
unwind
Fix the infinitive
to unwind
show examples
after a dawn to dusk
work
to take a vigour to commence a day anew. Answering
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
question
whether
Change preposition
of whether
show examples
we could satisfy our workforce thoroughly or not is a big deal. The destinations and criteria
varies
Change the verb form
vary
show examples
from person to person. Honestly, it is not feasible to provide
whole
Correct article usage
a whole
show examples
kind of amenities to keep employees pleased and even by
suppling
Correct your spelling
supplying
show examples
all facilities and
robusting
Correct your spelling
robust
life
sandards
Correct your spelling
standards
, there would be a group of dissatisfied
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
rather than occupational
circumestances
Correct your spelling
circumstances
. With regard to resources and companies' perspective, reaching
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
aim is impractical.
To conclude
,
although
bosses and related officials
sould
Correct your spelling
should
could
try their best and all
hands-on
Correct your spelling
hands on
show examples
desk to fulfil high working standards and take steps to motivate workmen in order to carry out their duties quite better than before, it seems unreasonable and
immposible
Correct your spelling
impossible
to keep
all
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
workforce satisfied.
Submitted by amirhossein7179 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Make sure you thoroughly understand the essay prompt before beginning to write. Your response seems to diverge significantly from the given topic, focusing on job satisfaction rather than discussing the views on fixed punishments for crimes versus considering individual circumstances.
Task Achievement
Develop your main points with more relevant, specific examples that directly relate to the essay prompt. This will enhance the clarity of your argument and align your essay more closely with the task requirements.
Coherence and Cohesion
Structure your essay more clearly to improve coherence. Begin with an introduction that clearly addresses the essay prompt, followed by paragraphs that each focus on a specific point related to the topic, and conclude with a summary of your views.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure your essay includes a distinct introduction and conclusion. The introduction should outline your understanding of the topic and your stance, while the conclusion should summarize your key points and reinforce your opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
For a more cohesive essay, use transitional phrases to link sentences and paragraphs smoothly. This will help guide the reader through your argument and improve the overall flow of your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: