Society is becoming obsessed with material goods like fast cars,designer clothes and flashy jewellery. We have stopped caring about the important things and that is why divorce rates are high and family bonds are not as strong anymore;our value system is disintegrating.To what extend do you agree or disagree?
It is true that
people
become more materialistic in
these days as compared to the past. Change preposition
apply
Consequently
, family cares
and bonding are reduced rapidly, so divorce case rates Correct subject-verb agreement
care
is increased
Wrong verb form
increase
along with
human
Correct article usage
the human
value
system break up. This
essay discusses it briefly for the following reasons.
To commence with, indeed family bonds and cares never faded still people
follow under their traditional and cultural law even if they obess
with materialistic things. Correct your spelling
obsess
obsessed
This
means parents sacrifice their entire life
for their children to earn money by work Fix the agreement mistake
lives
while
wife
Fix the agreement mistake
wives
also
do house chores to brought
up their children, so they have a mutual Wrong verb form
bring
understand
Change the form of the verb
understanding
to
how to care Change preposition
of
and
maintain their family. Change preposition
for and
For example
, Indians have more family bonding and caring towards family members even though, they have more sessions to to
buy cars and Remove the redundancy
apply
building
Wrong verb form
build
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
by
both parents' money. Needless to say, many individuals can Change preposition
with
get
succeed in their professional work by family support.
Verb problem
apply
Furthermore
, people
Change noun form
people's
value
is not diminishing even if we live in a modern world. Humanity, moral
, and empathy these qualities Replace the word
morality
people
still have that
because they Correct pronoun usage
apply
used to
Verb problem
have
practice
since childhood. Wrong verb form
practised
In addition
, now, value
system is increasing Add an article
the value
due to
social media. For instance
, many persons who are
live in developed nations help Unnecessary verb
apply
to
the poverty line Change preposition
apply
people
in order to they can overcome their poverty by financial support.
In conclusion, obviously, family bonds and care never faded up still people
do that to protect their relationship and value
system also
people
like to follow. Therefore
, I strongly disagree with
that family bonding and caring are not reduced still the population practice.Change preposition
apply
Submitted by reanudeepan on
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introduction
Ensure your introduction more clearly establishes your opinion and outlines the main points you will discuss. This helps to set a clear direction for your essay.
language use
Your essay would benefit greatly from more precise and careful use of language. Consider simplifying complex sentences to avoid grammatical errors and make your argument clearer.
coherence
To enhance coherence, try to connect your paragraphs and ideas more smoothly. Using transitional phrases can help create a better flow between sentences and paragraphs.
analysis
Deepen your analysis by exploring the reasons behind materialism's impact on family bonds, rather than simply stating it. This will add depth to your essay and bolster your argument.
conclusion
Remember to review your conclusion to ensure it summarizes your main points and reiterates your overall stance effectively. A strong conclusion leaves a lasting impression.
Your opinion
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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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