Society is becoming obsessed with material goods like fast cars,designer clothes and flashy jewellery. We have stopped caring about the important things and that is why divorce rates are high and family bonds are not as strong anymore;our value system is disintegrating.To what extend do you agree or disagree?

It is true that

people

Use synonyms

become more materialistic

Change preposition

apply

show examples

these days as compared to the past.

Consequently

Linking Words

, family

cares

Correct subject-verb agreement

care

show examples

and bonding are reduced rapidly, so divorce case rates

is increased

Wrong verb form

increase

show examples

along with

Linking Words

human

Correct article usage

the human

show examples

value

Use synonyms

system break up.

This

Linking Words

essay discusses it briefly for the following reasons. To commence with, indeed family bonds and cares never faded still

people

Use synonyms

follow under their traditional and cultural law even if they

obess

Correct your spelling

obsess

obsessed

with materialistic things.

This

Linking Words

means parents sacrifice their entire

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

for their children to earn money by work

while

Linking Words

wife

Fix the agreement mistake

wives

show examples

also

Linking Words

do house chores to

brought

Wrong verb form

bring

show examples

up their children, so they have a mutual

understand

Change the form of the verb

understanding

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

how to care

and

Change preposition

for and

show examples

maintain their family.

For example

Linking Words

, Indians have more family bonding and caring towards family members even though, they have more sessions to

Remove the redundancy

apply

show examples

buy cars and

building

Wrong verb form

build

show examples

home

Fix the agreement mistake

homes

show examples

Change preposition

with

show examples

both parents' money. Needless to say, many individuals can

get

Verb problem

apply

show examples

succeed in their professional work by family support.

Furthermore

Linking Words

Use synonyms

people

Change noun form

people's

show examples

value

Use synonyms

is not diminishing even if we live in a modern world. Humanity,

moral

Replace the word

morality

show examples

, and empathy these qualities

people

Use synonyms

still have

that

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

because they

used to

Verb problem

have

show examples

practice

Wrong verb form

practised

show examples

since childhood.

In addition

Linking Words

, now,

Use synonyms

value

Add an article

the value

show examples

system is increasing

due to

Linking Words

social media.

For instance

Linking Words

, many persons who

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

live in developed nations help

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the poverty line

people

Use synonyms

in order to they can overcome their poverty by financial support. In conclusion, obviously, family bonds and care never faded up still

people

Use synonyms

do that to protect their relationship and

value

Use synonyms

system

also

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

like to follow.

Therefore

Linking Words

, I strongly disagree

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

that family bonding and caring are not reduced still the population practice.

reanudeepanTue Mar 05 2024

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introduction

Ensure your introduction more clearly establishes your opinion and outlines the main points you will discuss. This helps to set a clear direction for your essay.

language use

Your essay would benefit greatly from more precise and careful use of language. Consider simplifying complex sentences to avoid grammatical errors and make your argument clearer.

coherence

To enhance coherence, try to connect your paragraphs and ideas more smoothly. Using transitional phrases can help create a better flow between sentences and paragraphs.

analysis

Deepen your analysis by exploring the reasons behind materialism's impact on family bonds, rather than simply stating it. This will add depth to your essay and bolster your argument.

conclusion

Remember to review your conclusion to ensure it summarizes your main points and reiterates your overall stance effectively. A strong conclusion leaves a lasting impression.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
25
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

268 words

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In many countries, paying for things using mobile phones is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or disadvantages?

In some countries, owning a home is more important rather than renting one. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?