Nowadays, many children prefer to spend time playing computer games rather than playing sports. Why so? Is it a positive or negative development?
The ubiquity of technology is undeniable, it has permeated every aspect of our lives including entertainment. So, we can observe many
kids
prefer playing computer games
instead
of playing sports
nowadays. It has sparked heated controversies that lots of people claiming it has a negative impact on us. I totally agree with that viewpoint for some reasons below.
On the one hand, playing games
can create senses of cognition and creativity for offsprings, which build for them personal spaces. Children may use games
to imagine and immerse themselves in a part of the game. As a consequence
, kids
will have various perceptions to enhance their senses, thoughts, mindsets,... For instance
, we have many academic games
like Sudoku, and chess,.. on the virtual game market. We should encourage offspring to conquer what they want, creating core values and broadening their horizon.
On the other hand
, travelling time to play games
too much leads to health
problems. In detail, we can easily get eye issues such
as red eyes, myopia,... , which cause long-term health
problems. Instead
, kids
should be joined in sports
like basketballs, soccer,.. to avoid obesity cases, myopia,... Besides
, sports
can be seen as a way they relieve stress in school, after a whole stressful week. Playing sports
can let off steam which maintains the stability in mental health
through stimulating dopamine in neurons.So, schools and parents may organize more extracurricular activities about sports
in order to improve health
conditions and knowledge for children.
In conclusion, even though spending time playing games
has some merit points, I am of the opinion that instead
of using digital devices for entertainment, kids
can play sports
to enhance our
Correct pronoun usage
their
health
condition and maintain mental stability.Submitted by okookk123456 on
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task response
Ensure to directly address both parts of the question. The essay explores negative aspects predominately. Expand on the positive side of playing computer games for a balanced discussion.
task response
In the development paragraphs, specifically link your examples and explanations back to the question topic. Elaborate on how digital games can positively or negatively influence children beyond health and cognition.
coherence and cohesion
When structuring your essay, organize your ideas more distinctly. Provide clear topic sentences that relate directly to the question for each paragraph and ensure each idea is fully explored before moving to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid overgeneralizing or making sweeping statements without providing specific evidence or examples to support your claims. Aim to be more precise in your argumentation.
coherence and cohesion
Work on creating smooth and logical transitions between paragraphs and ideas. These connectors will help your reader follow your arguments and understand the relationship between your points.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite