IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

**The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.** **Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**

**The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.** **Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.**
#**the #information #percentage #population #four #asian #countries #cities #predictions #**summarise #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The graph shows the proportion of the total
people
Use synonyms
 who live in
cities
Use synonyms
 in
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
, Malaysia, Thailand, and Indonesia between 1970 and 2020, with projections for 2030 and 2040. On the one hand, accounted
approximately
Change preposition
for approximately
show examples
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
30%, Malaysia was the second
country
Use synonyms
 who has
urban
Add an article
an urban
the urban
show examples
population
Use synonyms
. The total
population
Use synonyms
 rose in 2020 at around 75%.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that, the
country
Use synonyms
predicted
Add a missing verb
is predicted
show examples
 to have almost 80% of its
people
Use synonyms
 living in the
cities
Use synonyms
.
Conversely
Linking Words
, Indonesia
was
Verb problem
has
show examples
 the least
country
Use synonyms
 who has
people
Use synonyms
 living in the
cities
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
around 10% of its
population
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, recorded roughly at 50%, the
population
Use synonyms
 had a significant increment in 2020. The number
Linking Words
then
Add a missing verb
is then
show examples
 projected to
have
Verb problem
be
show examples
 around 60% in 2040.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 was the top
country
Use synonyms
 who has the most
people
Use synonyms
 living in the
cities
Use synonyms
 with just above 30% of its total
population
Use synonyms
 in 1970. After that, the
cities
Use synonyms
’
population
Use synonyms
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
fluctuated and reached its peak
just
Change preposition
of just
show examples
 under 50% in 1990.
However
Linking Words
, the number
then
Linking Words
 projected to have
its
Change the word
a
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 increase roughly above 50% in 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
,
total
Add an article
the total
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 in the
cities
Use synonyms
 among the countries increased over the time period. The projection
also
Linking Words
shown
Wrong verb form
shows
show examples
 the total
population
Use synonyms
 progressively grow from 2030 to 2040.
Submitted by riki on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, cities, country, population with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: