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Band 6

It is a good idea for people to continue working in their old age if it is possible for them to do so. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words

#idea #people #age
In today’s society, elderly
people
 decide to stay at their
work
, even though they are not in a productive age anymore. I personally agree with that statement for several reasons. On the one hand, the first reason why elderly
people
 must go to
work
 in their old era is because
while
 they
work
, their bodies have to move.
As a result
, old
people
 will have a healthy body, which will help them energized in daily life.
Furthermore
, going to
work
 will provide good brain health because they have to finish their job, which encourages them to remember something related to their job.
People
 who
work
 until their old age, in real-life conditions tend to be more independent and not trouble their families.
On the other hand
, the other reason is that working encouraged them to have a good mental health condition and be far from stress. In office life, they have
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to socialize and connect with many
people
, Which helps them to take and share their experiences. Meanwhile, staying at home compels them to talk to themselves and generally makes them bored and stressed.
For example
, many libraries in developed countries have a program to unite elderly
people
 near the library area to have book sharing sessions and those activities really catch old
people
's attention.
Hence
, the old
people
 look to meet new
people
 to talk about everything. In conclusion, there are many arguments that old
people
 have to
work
 for several reasons. Going to the office encourages the elderly to have good health conditions and stress release.
Submitted by yannn on

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coherence cohesion
Try to use varied sentence structures to enhance clarity and maintain the reader's interest. For example, mix simple, compound, and complex sentences effectively.
task achievement
Ensure that your main points are supported with more specific examples or studies. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Make your conclusion slightly more comprehensive by summarizing the main points discussed in the essay before stating the final argument.
task achievement
The introduction effectively presents the topic and your opinion, setting up what the reader can expect in the essay. This is a key component of task response.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, with separate paragraphs addressing different points. This aids coherence and makes your argument easy to follow.
task achievement
You have managed to cover relevant points regarding physical and mental health benefits of working in old age, which addresses the task effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive decline
  • Mental and emotional well-being
  • Social interaction
  • Financial stability
  • Sense of purpose
  • Self-worth
  • Physical health
  • Skill utilization
  • Experience
  • Flexible working hours
  • Generational gap
  • Elderly individuals
  • Retirement
  • Workplace
  • Economic contribution
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