IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that zoos are cruel and should be closed down. Others, however, believe that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals.

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It is commonly believed that
,
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apply
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 wildlife parks are awful for wild
animals
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'
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
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 and should be demolished.
However
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
apply
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some argue that menageries can be helpful in defending predatory
animals
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. In my opinion,
zoos
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 are useful
i
Correct your spelling
in
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 guarding
creatures
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. On the one hand, many argue that
zoos
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 are dangerous and they think
creatures
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 may be patient in the cages because there are a lot of careless employees
consequently
Linking Words
, these workers might not look well and
animals
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 will become ill. Especially wild
animals
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 do not like
be
Fix the infinitive
to be
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 in the cage. If workers
be
Wrong verb form
are
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 careless
animals
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 can escape the
zoos
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 and they may hurt every person or children.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 there are so many
people
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 every day and each holiday and
people
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 are remarkably naughty and they pollute the animal cages so every animal be sick and may die. Many
people
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 feel
the
Correct your spelling
that
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 wildlife parks should be knocked down.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others say that
zoos
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 are not useless because
of
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apply
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today
animals
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 which are extremely important for
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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 and nature
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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mammoths, dolphins, white eagles and
another
Correct quantifier usage
others
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 are dying out in nature so illegal hunters are hunting and they are becoming rare.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 rare
animals
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 are being killed by wild and strong
creatures
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 so they are becoming endangered. So
zoos
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 can provide with nourishment them and scientists in there can increase these types of
creatures
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 and menageries avoid dying the life form. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 some
people
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 believe that wildlife parks have a detrimental impact on the well-being of wild
animals
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 and ought to be dismantled,
while
Linking Words
 others say that, keeping
a collections
Correct the article-noun agreement
a collection
collections
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 of
animals
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 can be beneficial in protecting predatory species. I think
,
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apply
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zoos
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are need
Change the verb form
are needed
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 for wild
creatures
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 because they can protect the
animals
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by
Change preposition
from
show examples
 any dangers.

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task achievement
Ensure the essay clearly addresses the task, including both perspectives and providing a reasoned opinion. Strengthen the argument with varied sentence structures and more specific examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating more logical connections and transitions between ideas for a smoother flow throughout the essay. This can be achieved with linking words and clearer topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs.
task achievement
Clarify and develop your main points more thoroughly to make them compelling. Add detailed, relevant examples to support each idea.
coherence cohesion
Consider revisiting the basic structures and functions of an essay. Your introduction should more clearly outline the topics and your stance, while your conclusion should summarize your main points and reiterate your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • animal welfare
  • conservation
  • captive breeding
  • habitat
  • ethical issues
  • zoochosis
  • endangered species
  • genetic diversity
  • reintroduction programs
  • wildlife education
  • sanctuary
  • natural living conditions
  • artificial environments
  • behavioral enrichment
  • ecosystem
What to do next:
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