IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizen themselves?

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It is assumed that affluent
people
Use synonyms
 are obligated to share their wealth with the impoverished,
while
Linking Words
 others consider that the
government
Use synonyms
 is the one that should care about their residents.
Further
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 to
this
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, the mandatory support from rich dwellers could motivate poorer individuals and innovate tailored solutions, when the
government
Use synonyms
 can implement large-scale programs and structural changes. First of all, support from the high social stratum can contribute to an increment in stimulus for economically disadvantaged citizens. As an example, low-income residents can personally witness the success of rich
people
Use synonyms
, and comparing their lives with their own can stimulate a person to achieve higher goals.
Moreover
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, the participation of wealthy individuals in financial problems can establish more detailed programs. Interaction between two socially positioned
people
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 leads to a more peaceful and harmonious household in the country, and closeness or dialogues among two varied individuals can improve tolerance
due to
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acknowledgment
Change the spelling
acknowledgement
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 of each other's issues.
Secondly
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,
on the other hand
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, the
government
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 plays a pivotal role in economic supplementation for those facing economic hardship.
For instance
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, the authority is able to ensure a much larger range of concepts for residents on the legislative level and in the long term.
In addition
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, integrating new laws and rules
in
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into
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 the system can enable the free acquisition of money in the territory of the country. With the help of the
government
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, the nation will be more confident in using finances from others without any guilt to repay,
due to
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 a legal and stable establishment. In conclusion, rich
people
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are
Verb problem
have
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 in advantage of more personalized and motivational support,
while
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 authority
focus
Change the verb form
focuses
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 on systematic and extensive changes.From my perspective, both
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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factors should be involved in supporting
nation
Correct article usage
the nation
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 to build
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 convenient and resilient environment.

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Task Response
Ensure your essay clearly addresses both parts of the question. While the dichotomy between wealth sharing by individuals vs government responsibility was explored, a more explicit comparison or conclusion drawing on both elements would enhance clarity and effectiveness in addressing the task.
Coherence & Cohesion
Maintain a consistent and logical flow throughout your essay. Use a varied range of linking phrases and cohesive devices to connect ideas more smoothly. Sections transition well, but refining this aspect could elevate the overall coherence.
Coherence & Cohesion
Be explicit in outlining your essay structure in the introduction. A clear indication of what each paragraph will discuss helps the reader follow your argument more easily.
Task Response
Incorporate more detailed and specific examples to back up your claims. While you provided general examples, adding more specific anecdotes or data could make your arguments more convincing and provide better support to your main points.
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