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Band 5.5

As countries develop, more and more people buy and use their own cars. Does the advantage of this for individuals outweigh the disadvantage for the environment?

#countries #people #cars #advantage #individuals #environment
As the countries improve, a lot more family purchase and consume their individual vehicles. Regarding the advantage of the situation, when each person has
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
his
her
show examples
 own automobile, it would be much easier for them in their daily transportation and it will be more comfortable in the extreme weather.
In addition
,
people
 can feel comfortable in their own can without being worried about other passengers and
people
 can have more privacy in comparison with public transportation. In regard to the cons of
people
 having their own machine when
people
 start using their own car, the city will be full of one or two-passenger cars and that will cause a lot of issues.
For instance
, most cars use fossil fuels and after consuming
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 fuels, they release carbon dioxide into the air.
Additionally
, carbon dioxide is a really poisonous substance which is not good for the environment and it is not safe to breathe.
Furthermore
, having more cars in the street can cause horrible traffic.
overall
, in my point of view, there is no logical reason for
people
 to use their own car for travelling inside the city. On account of the fact that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 fossil fuel is expensive and it may take them so long to get somewhere
due to
 traffic. Of course, by using their own car, they can have more privacy but it is not worth the damage
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they are causing to the environment.
Last
 but not least,
people
 have different thoughts and ideas about
this
 topic but I think it is safe to say public transportation is cheaper, safer, faster and less harmful to nature.
Submitted by Parsahassani077 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, work on organizing your essay more logically. Use clear introductory sentences for paragraphs and transitions to guide the reader through your argument. Additionally, ensure your conclusion summarises your argument effectively and provides a clear standpoint.
task achievement
To enhance task response, ensure your essay fully addresses the question by discussing both advantages and disadvantages in balanced detail. Integrate more specific examples and evidence to support your points, making your argument more compelling and comprehensive.
general
Pay attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammatical errors, as these can detract from the clarity and professionalism of your writing. Proofread your essay to catch any mistakes.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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