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Writing Samples
Band 3

The graph below shows in percentage term the charging patterns of domestic access to modern technology in homes in the UK.

The graph below shows in percentage term the charging patterns of domestic access to modern technology in homes in the UK.
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The function below which shows in
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percentage
persentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 terms the changing patterns of domestic
access
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 to modern technology in homes in the United Kingdom In general, the graph has gradually
increase
Change the verb form
increased
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on
Change preposition
in
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 aspects (CD player, Mobile
phone
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,
Home
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computer
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 and Internet
access
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) The main features are CD player and internet
access
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 held the highest,
also
Linking Words
 the lowest title. In comparison from the beginning CD player had 60%
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and was set up in 1996/97
years
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.
Whereas
Linking Words
, Internet
access
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 had approximately 10%, and came from 1998/99
years
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 Between of them Modal
phone
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 and
Home
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computer
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 have different situations. Beginning in 1996 / 97
years
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 they were set up together.
Altough
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Although
,
Home
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computer
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 was higher than
Mobile
Add an article
a Mobile
the Mobile
show examples
phone
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. In 1998/99
years
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, Mobile
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phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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 overtook
Home
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Use synonyms
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
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.
In addition
Linking Words
 made the point of intersection
at
Change preposition
in
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 the same year.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words access, phone, home, computer, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "set" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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