IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Television has had a significant influence on the culture of many societies. To what extent would you say that television has positively or negatively affected the cultural development of society?

#television #influence #culture #societies #development #society
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In contemporary days, one of the widely discussed
topic
Change to a plural noun
topics
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 is the benefit for society from broadcasting positive
news
Use synonyms
. Certain
group
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groups
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 of people believe that it is, indeed, beneficial for public opinion,
whereas
Linking Words
, others would deny
this
Linking Words
 point
,
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apply
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 since there should not be differentiation of
news
Use synonyms
. On one hand, publicity is often susceptible and prone to taking unweighted conclusions,
thus
Linking Words
, mass media should take into consideration the effect of the
news
Use synonyms
 on
residents
Change noun form
residents'
resident's
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perception
Fix the agreement mistake
perceptions
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.
Due to
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tremendous
Correct article usage
the tremendous
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impact
Add a comma
impact,
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 it may have on
locals
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locals'
local's
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action
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actions
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. As an example, I would bring up the election campaign of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Donald Trump. Before the 2020 election ended, various journalists and other mass media figures had been continuously vilifying Trump’s reputation, which led to folk of the US changing their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
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 and voting for other candidates
instead
Linking Words
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
news
Use synonyms
 should not be monitored based on whether they bad or good. The reason is that broadcast editors are human beings, after all,
thus
Linking Words
, it would cultivate certain bias in the
news
Use synonyms
 field, which was created by those who were in charge of sorting out the
news
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, broadcast
news
Use synonyms
 must not undergo sorting,
otherwise
Linking Words
, it would lead to
gradual
Correct article usage
the gradual
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appear
Replace the word
appearance
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 of censorship.
For instance
Linking Words
, journalists would not be able to bring up insights,
due to
Linking Words
 them being “negative”, which could be used by authorities to control
informational
Correct article usage
the informational
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 sphere of the country. Ultimately, taking everything mentioned into account I believe it would be better for the nation
,
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apply
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 if the government
will
Wrong verb form
would
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 not create any restrictions in order to reduce the number of bad 
news
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Task Response
Ensure that your essay directly addresses the given prompt about television's cultural impact. Your essay seems to focus more on the influence of broadcasting news which is slightly off-topic. Reframe your argument to specifically address the role of television in cultural development.
Task Achievement
To improve your marks in Task Achievement, make sure that your ideas are directly relevant to the question. The prompt asks about the cultural impact of television, which is a broader topic than just news broadcasts. Expand your argument to cover more aspects of television's role in society, such as entertainment, education, and the sharing of cultural values.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction should clearly state your position on the topic. Each body paragraph should focus on one main idea, supported by examples or evidence. Conclude your essay by summarizing your key points and restating your position in a consolidated manner.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. Words like 'Moreover', 'Consequently', 'For instance', and 'Therefore' can help create a logical structure and demonstrate the relationships between your ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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