IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Modern forms of communication such as email and messaging have reduced number of time people spend seeing their friends. This has had a negative effect on their social lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#forms #communication #email #time #people #friends #effect #lives
Live
Wrong verb form
Living
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 in the 21st century shows that we live in the advanced
technology
 era.
That is
 because people
nowdays
Correct the word
nowadays
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 do not have to put more effort since they have
technology
Add an article
the technology
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 to help them
facing
Wrong verb form
face
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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problems. If you need to talk with someone that far away from you, you just type what you want to say and they will receive it in time and send the other emails or messages.
Therefore
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology
bring
Change the verb form
brings
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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other
impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
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beside of
Change preposition
besides
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 convenience.
First,
it will
be loosen
Change the verb form
loosen
show examples
 the intimacy and solidarity between friends and families. Since we only chat by digital platform where you can not do anything except
typing
Wrong verb form
type
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 it, there is no essence about that. It will be way
more
Change the word
apply
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better if greet your family and friends directly so that there is physical touch and
that is
 a good thing for
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
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relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
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 without forgetting
the
Correct article usage
apply
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others. Soon
afterward
Change the spelling
afterwards
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, you will not
going
Change the verb form
go
be going
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 anywhere and it
is make
Change the verb form
makes
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 you lazy.
Relying
Add the preposition
Relying on
Relying upon
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 anything
into
Change preposition
on
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 gadgets will ruin your life. It will make you think that you do not need to go anywhere since everything
be
Change the verb form
is
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 guaranteed by the
technology
. It
caused
Wrong verb form
causes
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 you
be
Add the particle
to be
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 lazy to socialize, even
it
Correct word choice
if it
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 is just for a small chat with the others. In spite of that, it will weaken your
socialize
Replace the word
social
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 skill and it will affect your
Correct your spelling
future
futur
Correct your spelling
future
 In my opinion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 agree that modern
technology
have
Change the verb form
has
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bad
Correct article usage
a bad
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 impact
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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in
Change preposition
on
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 how people
is communicating
Wrong verb form
communicate
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. Their tight connection
between
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their friends and family will
be vanished
Change to the active voice
vanish
have vanished
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 and they might start
lost
Change the verb form
to lose
show examples
 their social
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 even a human is a social creature.
Submitted by kezia.ch.wibowo on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Focus on structuring your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs each focusing on a separate point, and a conclusion. This will greatly improve the logical flow and coherence of your essay.
Task Achievement
In the introduction, briefly introduce the topic and state your opinion clearly. This will set a clear direction for your essay.
Task Achievement
Use examples to support your main points. This will make your arguments more convincing and relevant.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on sentence structure and grammar to ensure clarity and cohesion. Avoid run-on sentences and check for punctuation.
Coherence & Cohesion
Remember to include a conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your opinion. This gives a clear end to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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