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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people say that the only way to get success is to go to university. Others say that it depends on other factors. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #success #university #factors
There are controversial perspectives heating up a debate over how to get high achievement.
While
 some hold a strong view that the sole method to gain accomplishment is to get access to college, the opposite makes a statement that it
has
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is
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 heavily dependence on alternative factors.
While
 each has its own perks, I would contend that it is optimal to combine both mentioned elements. Without a shadow of
doubt
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a doubt
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, going to
the
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apply
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university plays a paramount integral role in people’s
accomplishment
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accomplishments
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. Because of getting access to tertiary education, they are able to establish
foundation
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a foundation
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 through absorbing insights.
As a result
, they will be well-prepared for line of career in future.
For instance
, marketing, statistics and finance will be taught by professional teachers with a firm grasp of substantial majors in order to have opportunities to be employed in leading companies.
Therefore
, accessing tertiary education
brings
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has
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 an immensely advantageous impact on their achievement.
While
 the redeeming features of going to the academy are widely acknowledged, it is unfair if those
of
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apply
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various factors are ignored, especially skills.
Furthermore
, not only
they
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do they
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 have precious skills but
also
 they will rapidly create considerable products. Communication skills can be cited as outstanding examples. If they
sharp
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sharpen
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this
 skill to mastery, they can express precisely their ideas without
avoid
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avoiding
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 misunderstandings and undesirable conflict among colleagues.
Hence
, skill sets make a great contribution to personal success. In conclusion,
while
 going to institutions
brings
Verb problem
has
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 an enormous effect on the success of people, diverse aspects
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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have a tremendous impact on an individual's success.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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Task Achievement
Include more varied and specific examples to illustrate your points. While mentioning marketing, statistics, and finance is a good start, providing real-world scenarios or case studies can enhance your argument further.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make use of a wider range of transitional phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. While your essay shows good coherence, enhanced transitions can elevate its readability and cohesion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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