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Band 4

Some people say that the only way to success is to go to the university but some others say it depends on other factors

#people #success #university #factors
There are controversial perspectives heating up a debate over “How to
success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
”.
While
 some claim that the sole method to achieve high accomplishment is to get to the academies, the opposite makes a statement that it has heavy dependence on other elements. I would
content
Correct your spelling
contend
show examples
 that it is optimal to combine both mentioned reasons. Obviously, To achieve high accomplishment, everyone should go to the academy because the academy has a great contribution to the
success
 of
people
. It gives helpful fundamental knowledge for
people
 to have decent jobs. It can be cited as a compelling example to explore the idea
such
 as some integral subjects: Logistics, Economics and Accounting you will be taught by a professional lecturer and it
also
 helps you have opportunities to recruit in established companies.
Thus
, Studying in institutions
brings
Verb problem
has
show examples
 a positive impact on your
success
.
While
 the significance of getting to college is widely acknowledged, the
success
 of
people
 has
heavy
Correct article usage
a heavy
show examples
 dependence on other elements. Especially, it relies on
skills
 because when
people
 have
skills
, they will rapidly create value for companies without losing time in training. If one person has great communication
skills
, they will avoid misunderstanding conflicts from that rising productivity when they work. When one person has time management
skills
 they can complete the tasks with maximum efficiency. Or if one person has presentation
skills
 they will convey immensely ideas for the company and bring high profits for the company. Three
skills
 ahead can be cited as compelling examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 elements to create our
success
. In conclusion,
While
 studying in college
brings
Verb problem
has
show examples
 a great impact on
people
's
success
, it
also
 has significant factors that
created
Wrong verb form
create
show examples
 our
achievement
Fix the agreement mistake
achievements
show examples
such
 as some useful
skills
.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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Logical Structure
Ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure. This includes a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and be connected to the overall argument of your essay.
Introduction and Conclusion
Make sure to include an introduction and conclusion that clearly state your viewpoint and summarise your arguments. These sections are essential for guiding the reader through your argument and reinforcing your stance.
Supported Main Points
Support your main points with clear and relevant examples or reasons. While you have included some examples, they would benefit from being more detailed and directly linked to your argument.
Complete Response
Fully address the prompt by clearly stating your position and thoroughly discussing it throughout the essay. Make sure to cover all aspects of the prompt to provide a complete response.
Clear and Comprehensive Ideas
Develop your ideas comprehensively by providing detailed explanations and examples. This will help to clarify your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
Relevant and Specific Examples
Use specific examples to support your arguments. While general statements can provide some context, detailed and relevant examples will make your essay more convincing and engaging.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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