Some people think that the best way to reduce the fourth dimension spent in travelling to work is to replace parks and gardens close to the city center with buildings apartments for commuters, but others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own public opinion

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It is undeniable that in
this
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era of development, more and more individuals believe the government should replace public gardens and parks with accommodation for employees to travel easily to work.
By contrast
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, others argue the sound idea. From
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perspective, I disagree with
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event for several reasons which contain breathtaking views and clear air. Ergo,
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essay will highlight both arguments regarding
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phenomenon, and I will mention numerous causes, by providing relevant examples and insights. On the one hand, there is no denying that public parks and gardens which are close to the city centre play a crucial role in modern society. What is more, a lot of people enjoy visiting nature
while
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going to work.
This
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, allows them to get more active and get enough positive thinking. A clear example is my father works at Loyal Hospital, and before entrance to
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administration, goes to visit the public garden to drink a cup of tea with his colleagues.
Moreover
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, they feel more active at that time.
For example
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, the Omani Educational Associate indicated that 85% of students at the Universities prefer public green spaces close to them. As a sequence, learners study carefully in that Region
as well as
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hang out with their friends.
On the other hand
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, there are numerous causes which directly link to the replacement of these nations. The first and foremost reason is that commuters can easily move from their apartments to occupations. To demonstrate more, the community suffers from
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issue every day because of the traffic jams and gardens.
Furthermore
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, serious of them feel tired throughout the job and cannot accomplish all duties.
For instance
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, a report by the UNESCO survey showed that the employees who work close to their occupation are more active, and their activities more fruitful rather than workers who spend 10 kilometres to their job.
Overall
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, the side could definitely improve the situation. In conclusion, no doubt in the neck to neck of competition, both arguments are essential ways to improve the people and the country.
However
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, I strongly disagree with replacing places with apartments because leisure grounds have played an essential role in recent years.
Therefore
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, these can be lessened by immediate steps by the government and the citizens.

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task achievement
Improve the clarity of your argument by elaborating on each point. For example, when you discuss the importance of parks, provide more examples or discuss their emotional and physical health benefits in detail.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs clearly link to each other and the overall argument. You might want to use more transitional phrases to enhance the flow between sentences and ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Sometimes, the phrasing of sentences may be awkward or unclear. For instance, phrases like 'the sound idea' or 'the neck to neck of competition' might confuse readers. Aim for more straightforward language.
task achievement
You effectively present both sides of the argument, which is crucial for a discussion essay. This demonstrates an understanding of the complexity of the issue.
task achievement
Your examples, such as those about your father's routine and the Omani Educational Associate's report, show an attempt to support your ideas with specifics, which is a positive aspect of your writing.
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