IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that teenage years are the happiest times of most people's life. Others think that adult life brings more happiness in spite of greater responsibilities. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #years #times #life #adult #happiness #spite #responsibilities
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Yes
of
Add the comma(s)
, of
show examples
 course, all
people
Use synonyms
 have
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
show examples
Change preposition
of opinion
show examples
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
 on
this
Linking Words
 topic. Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that teenage
years
Use synonyms
 are the happiest
times
Use synonyms
 during
Use synonyms
people'
Change noun form
people's
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 Other
people
Use synonyms
 think that
adult
Use synonyms
times
Use synonyms
 bring more happiness than teenage
years
Use synonyms
. I express my opinion when I look at
this
Linking Words
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
. On the one hand,
teenage
Correct article usage
the teenage
show examples
years
Use synonyms
 are the most important periods of human
life
Use synonyms
. I recommend
people
Use synonyms
 to use the most of their youth
years
Use synonyms
. To explain,
teenage
Correct your spelling
teenagers
show examples
 have
few
Replace the word
fewer
show examples
 responsibilities than
adult
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
adult
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 have several difficulties during their
life
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, they have work stress, maintaining relationships, health concerns,
societal
Correct word choice
and societal
show examples
 expectations. Especially, financial burdens
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the most difficult
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
life
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, teenage
people
Use synonyms
 have
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
energy
Change preposition
of energy
show examples
 and they try
do
Fix the infinitive
to do
show examples
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
show examples
things
Change preposition
of things
show examples
 that are found in front
of
Correct pronoun usage
of them
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, I have less responsibility than my parents because they always care about everything than I
am
Verb problem
do
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
adult
Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
 a lot of happiness to them.
Adult
Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a lot of
comfortable
Replace the word
comfort
show examples
 than its
deficiency
Fix the agreement mistake
deficiencies
show examples
. To explain,
adult
Use synonyms
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
independence
Replace the word
independent
show examples
 all
way
Correct article usage
the way
show examples
.
Adult
Use synonyms
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 have personal growth
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they have their business and they work their career. True, it is not without its
flaw
Fix the agreement mistake
flaws
show examples
,
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
show examples
 its advantages
cover
Correct your spelling
over
show examples
 its disadvantages.
For example
Linking Words
, my close neighbour always
tell
Change the verb form
tells
show examples
about
Correct pronoun usage
me about
show examples
 her
adult
Use synonyms
 moments. Now, she is
old
Add an article
an old
show examples
 woman and
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
she
say
Change the verb form
says
show examples
 that her happiest
times
Use synonyms
 were in her
adult
Use synonyms
times
Use synonyms
. It is true
,
Correct word choice
that, teenage
show examples
teenage
Correct article usage
the teenage
show examples
years
Use synonyms
 are the happiest
times
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 because they don't think about world concerns like other
people
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
adult
Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 inexhaustible happiness.
Although
Linking Words
, they have greater responsibilities.
Submitted by soglomovsarvar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Develop a clearer thesis statement in your introduction to immediately present your opinion and the main points you will discuss. This helps set a clear direction for your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow and cohesion between your ideas. While some effort is made to connect ideas, more sophisticated linking can enhance readability.
Task Achievement
To provide a more complete response to the task, ensure you discuss both views substantively before presenting your own opinion. Also, strive to present this opinion more explicitly in the introduction and conclusion, making your overall position clearer to the reader.
Task Achievement
Include a wider variety of specific examples and detailed explanations to support your main points. While you provide some examples, more detailed and varied illustrations could enhance your argument, helping to achieve a higher score for task achievement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Adolescence
  • Vibrancy
  • Self-discovery
  • Maturation
  • Fulfillment
  • Life milestones
  • Peer pressure
  • Personal autonomy
  • Financial independence
  • Emotional intelligence
  • Nostalgia
  • Adulting
  • Quarter-life crisis
  • Midlife achievement
  • Existential satisfaction
What to do next:
Look at other essays: