Fewer young people are not fit or active today.Why is it? What can be done to encourage more young people to do sports?
In more energetic.
In conclusion, there are many reasons make today's youth are inactive.
the
modern society, there is a very inadequate problem that youngsters are less active or go out. Correct article usage
apply
This
can cause many harmful effects on their health. We should come up with some ideas to encourage people to involve
in Wrong verb form
be involved
entertaiment
activities.
Correct your spelling
entertainment
On the other hand
, because of the numerous cutting-edge devices so
youngsters tend to Correct word choice
apply
sitting
at home and Change the verb
sit
playing
games on mobile gadgets. Wrong verb form
play
For example
, with only smartphones
they have Add a comma
smartphones,
to
access to countless amenities. Fix the infinitive
apply
Moreover
, in the hustle and bustle society
, people tend to accept everything that happens around them without paying attention Change preposition
of society
to
Change preposition
apply
such
as cleaning the house or going to the gym.
On the other hand
, we should give some solutions for Correct article usage
the young
young
generations. Correct word choice
younger
To begin
with, we should raise their awareness of the harmful effects of using mobile devices for a long day. Furthermore
, we can organize some mutual activities in the summer or in
the Change preposition
on
break-day
to help them actively. At school, teachers Correct your spelling
break day
also
need
create more Add the particle
need to
recreations
after stressful school time to facilitate to studentsFix the agreement mistake
recreation
Add a missing verb
be
Therefore
, we should follow some advice mentioned above to help youngsters integrate into the community comprehensively.Submitted by nhuquynhbn2004 on
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structure and clarity
Your essay has a decent structure, but it can be improved by adding an introduction that clearly presents the topic and your thesis statement. Every paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph. It helps in making your essay more cohesive.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea to support your argument, and use transitions to smoothly connect your ideas. This will improve the flow of your essay and make your argument more compelling.
detailed examples and relevance
You've made an attempt to provide examples, but they are somewhat generic. To strengthen your task achievement score, try to include more detailed and specific examples. This entails demonstrating how mobile devices lead youths to be less active and offering specific examples of activities or programs that could counter this trend.
conclusion strength and recap
Your conclusion should not only summarize the main points discussed but also reiterate your thesis in light of the evidence provided. This reinforces your argument and provides a strong closing to your essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.