IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that children should go to school as young as possible, while others believe that children should go to school when they are at least seven years old. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #school #seven #years
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is widely acknowledged that education is one of the most important for offspring. Some people support the opinion that offspring should go to study at department early,
while
 others think that offspring ages approximately seven years old are the minimum age for a child appropriate to go study at
academy
Add an article
the academy
show examples
. In the following ,paragraphs the reasons to support both views will be outlined. In terms of starting teaching offspring at
academy
Add an article
the academy
an academy
show examples
 at an early age, parents expect their offspring to receive a great education from the initial period when they knew to speak
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and walk. Obviously, the first years of
kids
'
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 are the time they are easily affected by the actions, speeches, or characters of adults. Taking the offspring to the educational environment at the period of three to seven years old helps them to be educated
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 good things and form wonderful personalities for the rest of their lives.
However
, the start of studying at seminary loses
offspring's
Correct article usage
the offspring's
show examples
 adulthood. Precisely, studying at
institute
Correct article usage
an institute
show examples
 is synonymous with getting homework, resulting in them having less time to play.
Instead
, the
kids
 must pay much attention to complete assignments.
For instance
, Vietnamese students are known to spend much more time on learning than on relaxation. They are always afraid of being punished by teachers if they do not complete homework. It accidentally causes pressure on those offspring who are too young to be worth receiving
such
 burdens.
Moreover
, In conclusion,
although
 some people want their
kids
 to go to academy age as soon as possible, I strongly agree that offspring just should get an education from schools when they turn seven. It is reasonable for those
kids
 to start their studies seriously but still enjoy their childhood fully.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
To enhance the Task Achievement score, ensure that both views are discussed thoroughly with a balanced argument. Include more detailed examples to support each view. Your own opinion is clear, but further elaboration on why you hold that opinion would make your argument stronger.
Coherence and Cohesion
Focus on using a wide range of cohesive devices and ensuring logical paragraphing to improve Coherence and Cohesion. The essay has a structure, but some parts could be more logically connected to make the flow smoother. Additionally, avoid abruptly ending sentences or paragraphs, and ensure each paragraph is fully developed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: