IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that the best way to encourage children that have a healthy diet at school and some people believe that parents should teach them to have a healthy diet. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Whether the
school
Use synonyms
 or
parents
Use synonyms
 play an imperative role in forming
children
Use synonyms
's awareness related to quality
diet
Use synonyms
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 emerged as a controversial topic of interest . The writer of
this
Linking Words
eassy
Correct your spelling
essay
 claims that
due to
Linking Words
 the period of time
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
spending
Replace the word
spend
show examples
 with their family , it would be much easier for them to
gain
Use synonyms
 an understanding
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 a healthy
diet
Use synonyms
 . One of the core reasons which apply for why
parents
Use synonyms
 should be the
pioneer
Fix the agreement mistake
pioneers
show examples
 in teaching
chilren
Correct your spelling
children
 about healthy
diet
Use synonyms
 is
due to
Linking Words
 their influence .
That is
Linking Words
 to say , since the
child
Use synonyms
 is born until being an
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
, they spend their whole childhood
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
living with their
parents
Use synonyms
 which is a reasonable
explaination
Correct your spelling
explanation
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the fact that
children
Use synonyms
 tend to copy their
parents
Use synonyms
's behaviour and mindset .
Therefore
Linking Words
 , when it comes to
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
diet
Use synonyms
 ,
parents
Use synonyms
 who have an
understading
Correct your spelling
understanding
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
Linking Words
 must be necessary to form the
child
Use synonyms
's
knowledge
Use synonyms
 about
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
diet
Use synonyms
 . Taking Singapore as an example ,
this
Linking Words
 nation
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 been making
contribution
Fix the agreement mistake
contributions
show examples
 to
run
Wrong verb form
running
show examples
 a
compaign
Correct your spelling
campaign
 in order to
pursuade
Correct your spelling
persuade
parents
Use synonyms
 to
gain
Use synonyms
knowledge
Use synonyms
 about healthy
Use synonyms
diet
Fix the agreement mistake
diets
show examples
 which can be used to teach their
Use synonyms
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 in later future. When it comes to a healthy
diet
Use synonyms
 , it must be recognised that
school
Use synonyms
 , as a symbol of education , should take
responsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 to teach
children
Use synonyms
 about
this
Linking Words
 .
This
Linking Words
 is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
school
Change the article
a school
show examples
 is a place where
children
Use synonyms
gain
Use synonyms
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
knowledge
Use synonyms
 about the world .
Thus
Linking Words
 , if teachers make
effort
Correct article usage
an effort
show examples
 to form fundamental
understandings
Fix the agreement mistake
understanding
show examples
aboult
Correct your spelling
about
 healthy
diet
Use synonyms
 , the students can
gain
Use synonyms
 benefit from
this
Linking Words
 as they know how to maintain a healthy lifestyle based on their
diet
Use synonyms
 .
For example
Linking Words
 , the schedule of a student who
study
Change the verb form
studies
show examples
 in America contains
a cooking classes
Correct the article-noun agreement
cooking classes
a cooking class
show examples
 which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 used to teach
chilren
Correct your spelling
children
 the way to make
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
diet
Use synonyms
 , leading to the highest proportion of residents having
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
knowledge
Use synonyms
 related to
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
diet
Use synonyms
. It is the writer's opinion
as
Correct word choice
that
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the only
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 who can
make
Verb problem
apply
show examples
communications
Replace the word
communicate
show examples
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 , forming the
child
Use synonyms
's understanding
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
diet
Use synonyms
 must be their job . It must be recognised that
children
Use synonyms
 will have different
taste
Fix the agreement mistake
tastes
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 healthy food , which is a
difficulties
Change the noun form
difficulty
show examples
 for
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 as they need to make a general
diet
Use synonyms
 for many students .
However
Linking Words
 ,
parents
Use synonyms
 can solve
this
Linking Words
 burden as they can make heart-to-heart talk with their
children
Use synonyms
 so as to find out their taste of healthy food .
Thus
Linking Words
 , not only leading them to a healthy lifestyle but
parents
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 can teach the
children
Use synonyms
 more about
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 healthy
diet
Use synonyms
 In conclusion , the role of
parents
Use synonyms
 and
school
Use synonyms
 , both are essential to
children
Use synonyms
's
knowledge
Use synonyms
 about healthy
diet
Use synonyms
 ,
however
Linking Words
 ,
due to
Linking Words
 the
Correct your spelling
quantity
quality
quanity
Correct your spelling
quantity
 of
Correct your spelling
communications
communication
commucations
Correct your spelling
communication
 and time
children
Use synonyms
 spend with their family , it is reasonable that
parents
Use synonyms
 will take over the
Correct your spelling
responsibility
responsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 to form right awareness about
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
diet
Use synonyms
 for their
kins
Correct your spelling
kids
show examples

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Spelling and Grammar
Be careful with spelling and grammatical errors, as these can detract from the clarity of your arguments. For example, 'essay' is misspelled as 'eassy', and 'children' is misspelled as 'chilren'. Additionally, pay attention to proper punctuation and capitalization.
Structure
Enhance the structure of your essay by clearly delineating introduction, body, and conclusion sections. Your introduction and conclusion could be made more distinct for a cleaner organizational scheme, which would also improve reader understanding.
Elaboration
While your essay addresses the task and provides relevant examples, try to further elaborate on your ideas for a more in-depth discussion. For instance, expand on how parents' influence is significant compared to that of schools by including more examples or studies.
Coherence
Improve coherence by using a wider range of linking words or phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs. This will make your essay flow more smoothly from one point to the next.
Task Response
To boost your task response score, ensure that your opinion is clear throughout the essay, not just in the conclusion. Integrate your stance more explicitly in the introduction and consistently support it throughout your body paragraphs.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: