Differences between countries are becoming less evident. Nowadays people are watching the same films, fashion, brands, advertisements and TV channels. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is a belief that obvious disparities between nations are gradually fading. Residents’s leisure activities are similar to present days.
Due to
the harmony and economic boost,
this
statement shows disadvantages regarding cultural disagreement are straightforwardly outweighed. It can be easily recognized that the connection between countries aids solidarity and communication. In detail, having the same hobbies can promote opportunities to contact each other, which leads to a long-term fellowship.
Consequently
, not only education but
also
other fields coordination between residents will see a harmonious collaboration.
Following
this
tendency is a positively developed community of multicultural people. Another beneficial aspect that should be mentioned is how having pursuits in common enhances economic growth. Once various barriers between tribes are demolished, there must be a sustainable connection, which leads to numerous agreements relating to currency consolidation.
As a result
, trading flow in various organizations is ensured,
thus
indirectly boosting the global economy.
In addition
, huge income from these tasks can be leveraged to invest in security, healthcare
as well as
education.
However
, there is an evitable drawback that always emerges in
shared
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society: cultural conflicts. There is a majority of people who are too stubborn to catch up with new implementations about cultural transition, which interrupts global collaboration. Fortunately, by imposing appropriate regulations,
this
issue can be avoided to protect reconciliation on a global scale without eliminating any substantial benefits.
To conclude
, the vague difference between continents encourages global momentum in conjunction with communication improvement.
Hence
, despite possibly triggering cultural agreement, the mentioned advantages outweigh the downside apparently.

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task achievement
While your essay presents a clear stance on the topic, it could benefit from more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, you could mention particular films, fashion trends, or international brands that have become popular worldwide and how they influence global culture and economy.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are a bit unclear or awkwardly phrased, which slightly affects the clarity of your essay. For instance, 'Residents’s leisure activities are similar to present days' could be rephrased for better clarity as 'Nowadays, residents engage in similar leisure activities worldwide.'
coherence cohesion
Consider providing more concrete connections between your main points. For example, when discussing economic growth, you might link it directly to how global brands and entertainment contribute to international markets.
task achievement
The essay does a good job of presenting a balanced view, addressing both advantages and potential drawbacks of cultural convergence.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively summarize the main points of your essay, providing a clear frame for your argument.
coherence cohesion
The main ideas are well-organized, and there is a logical flow from one point to the next.

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    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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