IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching T.V . However, TV cannot replace the book as a learning tool,which is why children are less well educated today,to what extent do you agree with this statement ?

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To begin
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, Adolescents spend time watching TV which is a great deal
while
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 TV cannot be changed by books for learning purposes for which children are being less educated. Both tools have something to teach so it is better to deal with them. I will discuss points of view in detail in the upcoming paragraphs.
However
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, visual effects are easy to learn and observe
while
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 watching on the television screen. It leads to visualization is the better way to teach children. Nowadays, most schools teach with laptops as well and they can build the memory power to consume information.
For instance
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, if a child looks at a science channel on television
then
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 they can gain knowledge related to many different scientific areas.
Nevertheless
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, reports are
also
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 crucial for offspring because they can learn to understand various topics and they can carry these reports to different places.
In addition
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, reading habits are a better way to absorb information and they can change lifestyles in the future so books are much better than TV.
For example
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, if a child learns many different types of books
then
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 they can teach others but visualization only memories of
this
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 information. In conclusion, offspring spend a large amount of time watching television to gain knowledge
instead
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 of reading statements
then
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 which can cause of child to become less educated. In my point of view, both skills are the best for offspring so they can learn from them with time management. Teachers teach to the adolescent maintain their hours in both activities and build their skills.

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coherence cohesion
To enhance the logical structure, the essay should present points in a more organized manner. Each paragraph should introduce a new idea clearly related to the topic and conclude by reinforcing that idea.
coherence cohesion
Although the introduction and conclusion are present, they could be made clearer and more concise. Starting with a strong thesis statement that directly addresses the question can improve readability and engagement.
coherence cohesion
Providing stronger support for your main points with additional evidence and examples can make your arguments more convincing. Consider drawing from a wider range of sources or adding personal anecdotes to enrich your essay.
task achievement
To ensure a complete response to the task, make sure to address all parts of the prompt directly. Avoid broad statements and ensure that your argument directly engages with the specific question asked.
task achievement
Developing clearer and more comprehensive ideas requires focus and depth. Try to elaborate on each point with detailed explanations and avoid superficially skimming the topics.
task achievement
Incorporating relevant and specific examples will not only support your arguments but also show a deeper understanding of the topic. Ensure each example directly ties back to the central idea of each paragraph.
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