It is inevitable that as technology develops traditional cultures must be lost. Technology and tradition are incompatible – you cannot have both together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#technology #cultures #tradition

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this

Linking Words

fast-paced era, the advancement of technology is growing rapidly.

Therefore

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, there is an argument that says technological advancement will obviously diminish traditional cultures.

This

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essay

is totally disagrees

Change the verb form

totally disagrees

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with that statement because we can use technologies to preserve

heritages

Fix the agreement mistake

heritage

show examples

Firstly

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, thanks to the rapid advancement of the internet, right now you can easily find digitalized

manuscript

Fix the agreement mistake

manuscripts

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that contain

many

Correct quantifier usage

much

show examples

informations

Correct your spelling

information

about our ancestors in the form of

e-book

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e-books

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on several

website

Change to a plural noun

websites

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; and makes it

immutable

Correct pronoun usage

them immutable

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on the internet.

On the other hand

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, if we do not store those manuscripts digitally, there is a high possibility that they will be lost or stolen.

Therefore

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, it is necessary to

documented

Change the verb

document

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them and put

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

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cloud storage. Take Greece

for instance

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, since 2014 the government there has started to

digitalized

Wrong verb form

digitalise

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the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

ancient

greek

Capitalize word

Greek

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scrolls because in 2008 several pieces of those scrolls were stolen.

Secondly

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, because nowadays younger generations tend to use gadgets to relax

instead

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of playing with their friend outside, we can utilize

this

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phenomenon to educate them about traditional cultures.

For example

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, many mobile game developers in Indonesia have transformed traditional

games

Use synonyms

into mobile

games

Use synonyms

that can be played on

smartphone

Fix the agreement mistake

smartphones

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and are available to download at

Google

Correct article usage

the Google

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play store

Correct your spelling

Play Store

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and Apple

store

Capitalize word

Store

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; surprisingly those

games

Use synonyms

have been downloaded more than a million times.

As a result

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, many teenagers in Indonesia right now are highly familiar with the traditional

games

Use synonyms

that their parents played during their childhood. In conclusion, it is obvious that technology could preserve our

heritages

Fix the agreement mistake

heritage

show examples

through several methods,

such

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as storing ancient scrolls on cloud storage and

makes

Wrong verb form

making

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the digital version of traditional

games

Use synonyms

Submitted by rahmanparentio on Thu Mar 07 2024

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task achievement

Ensure that your essay is directly addressing the prompt throughout the entire response. While your argument is clear, refining your thesis statement to more directly counter the prompt would strengthen your position.

coherence and cohesion

Use a wider variety of sentence structures and ensure clear paragraph transitions to enhance readability and flow. This includes the use of linking words and phrases to connect ideas both within and between paragraphs.

task achievement

In your introduction, clearly state your argument and how you plan to support it. This will provide a clear roadmap for your essay and make your argument more persuasive.

coherence and cohesion

To further improve coherence and cohesion, carefully check your essay for any typing or grammatical errors. Even minor errors can disrupt the flow of your essay and confuse the reader.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

271 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

inevitable
traditional cultures
incompatible
technological advancements
cultural preservation
historical heritage
globalization
hybridization
digital divide
cross-cultural interaction
economic incentives
generational perspectives
disruption
cultural identity
evolution of tradition
cultural resilience
heritage conservation
information technology
multiculturalism
cultural assimilation

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It is inevitable that as technology develops traditional cultures must be lost. Technology and tradition are incompatible – you cannot have both together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Your opinion

While social media platforms can have their benefits, using them too much can make you feel increasingly unhappy and decrease your self-esteem in the long run. Discuss with examples

With increasing popularity of online learning, some people believe that traditional classroom education will become obsolete. Do you agree? Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of both online and traditional learning methods.

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion?

It is better for people to have a fixed work schedule than to have a flexible one. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.