It is inevitable that as technology develops traditional cultures must be lost. Technology and tradition are incompatible – you cannot have both together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In
this
fast-paced era, the advancement of technology is growing rapidly.
Therefore
, there is an argument that says technological advancement will obviously diminish traditional cultures.
This
essay
is totally disagrees
Change the verb form
totally disagrees
show examples
with that statement because we can use technologies to preserve
heritages
Fix the agreement mistake
heritage
show examples
.
Firstly
, thanks to the rapid advancement of the internet, right now you can easily find digitalized
manuscript
Fix the agreement mistake
manuscripts
show examples
that contain
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
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informations
Correct your spelling
information
about our ancestors in the form of
e-book
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e-books
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on several
website
Change to a plural noun
websites
show examples
; and makes it
immutable
Correct pronoun usage
them immutable
show examples
on the internet.
On the other hand
, if we do not store those manuscripts digitally, there is a high possibility that they will be lost or stolen.
Therefore
, it is necessary to
documented
Change the verb
document
show examples
them and put
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cloud storage. Take Greece
for instance
, since 2014 the government there has started to
digitalized
Wrong verb form
digitalise
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ancient
greek
Capitalize word
Greek
show examples
scrolls because in 2008 several pieces of those scrolls were stolen.
Secondly
, because nowadays younger generations tend to use gadgets to relax
instead
of playing with their friend outside, we can utilize
this
phenomenon to educate them about traditional cultures.
For example
, many mobile game developers in Indonesia have transformed traditional
games
into mobile
games
that can be played on
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
and are available to download at
Google
Correct article usage
the Google
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play store
Correct your spelling
Play Store
show examples
and Apple
store
Capitalize word
Store
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; surprisingly those
games
have been downloaded more than a million times.
As a result
, many teenagers in Indonesia right now are highly familiar with the traditional
games
that their parents played during their childhood. In conclusion, it is obvious that technology could preserve our
heritages
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heritage
show examples
through several methods,
such
as storing ancient scrolls on cloud storage and
makes
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
the digital version of traditional
games
.
Submitted by rahmanparentio on

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task achievement
Ensure that your essay is directly addressing the prompt throughout the entire response. While your argument is clear, refining your thesis statement to more directly counter the prompt would strengthen your position.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider variety of sentence structures and ensure clear paragraph transitions to enhance readability and flow. This includes the use of linking words and phrases to connect ideas both within and between paragraphs.
task achievement
In your introduction, clearly state your argument and how you plan to support it. This will provide a clear roadmap for your essay and make your argument more persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
To further improve coherence and cohesion, carefully check your essay for any typing or grammatical errors. Even minor errors can disrupt the flow of your essay and confuse the reader.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • inevitable
  • traditional cultures
  • incompatible
  • technological advancements
  • cultural preservation
  • historical heritage
  • globalization
  • hybridization
  • digital divide
  • cross-cultural interaction
  • economic incentives
  • generational perspectives
  • disruption
  • cultural identity
  • evolution of tradition
  • cultural resilience
  • heritage conservation
  • information technology
  • multiculturalism
  • cultural assimilation
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