IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that professional sportsmen and women are paid too much money nowadays in relation to their usefulness to society. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #sportsmen #women #money #relation #usefulness #society
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Undoubtedly athletes get lucrative pay
along with
 lavish benefits over other careers. Many agree that sports person , be they male or female are overly paid for their profession , which
as a result
 does not benefit our society in any way. I strongly disagree with the statement as believe sportsmen and women motivate everyone to perform their best in their respective professions
along with
 offering glory to nations.
Firstly
, professionals practice various games and perform magnificently
while
 playing for their teams, encouraging millions of fans.
In addition
, watching team members on live matches, and witnessing their best efforts highly motivates the viewers. Irrespective of whether watching it on TV or
live
Wrong verb form
living
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in
Change preposition
on
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 the ground, it gives hope to folk to face challenges and overcome their fears.
Hence
, every penny which goes towards these players is worth
of
Change preposition
apply
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being a motivator and setting excellent examples for youngsters.
For example
, footballers like Messi , make society learn to face all obstacles life might put you through , which can lead you to success. Adding to the first point, great players are considered as a hero for their own community as they become a source for bringing glory to their country. If a person performs miraculously over a period of time and breaks the bar by their performance, nations obviously collect fame and pride globally.
Moreover
, paying a high salary to these great individuals makes sense, who make their whole nation proud.
For example
- Neeraj Chopra won a gold medal in the Javelin throw for the first time in the history of India, making the whole state proud. In conclusion, despite worrying about offering big checks to players, we should appreciate their efforts in bringing respect to
local
Add an article
the local
show examples
 crowd and the inspiration that they offer to humans across the globe.
Submitted by kukretihimani767 on

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Task Achievement
To improve Task Achievement, ensure that your argument is clear throughout the essay. While you have provided a strong stance, further elaboration on opposing viewpoints before refuting them can add depth to your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
For higher Coherence and Cohesion scores, work on the transitions between paragraphs for smoother flow. Consider using more varied transition phrases to guide the reader through your argument more seamlessly.
Lexical Resource
Try to include a wider range of vocabulary and synonym usage to avoid repetition, especially of key terms like 'sportsmen', 'society', and 'motivate'. Variation in language can enhance your essay's readability and impact.
Task Achievement
In Task Achievement, it's vital to address the prompt fully. Including a brief discussion on the viewpoint that sportspeople are overpaid, and why you disagree, would make your argument more comprehensive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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