Some people believe that professional sportsmen and women are paid too much money nowadays in relation to their usefulness to society. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #sportsmen #women #money #relation #usefulness #society

Undoubtedly athletes get lucrative pay

along with

lavish benefits over other careers. Many agree that sports person , be they male or female are overly paid for their profession , which

as a result

does not benefit our society in any way. I strongly disagree with the statement as believe sportsmen and women motivate everyone to perform their best in their respective professions

along with

offering glory to nations.

Firstly

, professionals practice various games and perform magnificently

while

playing for their teams, encouraging millions of fans.

In addition

, watching team members on live matches, and witnessing their best efforts highly motivates the viewers. Irrespective of whether watching it on TV or

live

Wrong verb form

living

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

the ground, it gives hope to folk to face challenges and overcome their fears.

Hence

, every penny which goes towards these players is worth

Change preposition

apply

show examples

being a motivator and setting excellent examples for youngsters.

For example

, footballers like Messi , make society learn to face all obstacles life might put you through , which can lead you to success. Adding to the first point, great players are considered as a hero for their own community as they become a source for bringing glory to their country. If a person performs miraculously over a period of time and breaks the bar by their performance, nations obviously collect fame and pride globally.

Moreover

, paying a high salary to these great individuals makes sense, who make their whole nation proud.

For example

- Neeraj Chopra won a gold medal in the Javelin throw for the first time in the history of India, making the whole state proud. In conclusion, despite worrying about offering big checks to players, we should appreciate their efforts in bringing respect to

local

Add an article

the local

show examples

crowd and the inspiration that they offer to humans across the globe.

Submitted by kukretihimani767 on Thu Mar 07 2024

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Task Achievement

To improve Task Achievement, ensure that your argument is clear throughout the essay. While you have provided a strong stance, further elaboration on opposing viewpoints before refuting them can add depth to your argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

For higher Coherence and Cohesion scores, work on the transitions between paragraphs for smoother flow. Consider using more varied transition phrases to guide the reader through your argument more seamlessly.

Lexical Resource

Try to include a wider range of vocabulary and synonym usage to avoid repetition, especially of key terms like 'sportsmen', 'society', and 'motivate'. Variation in language can enhance your essay's readability and impact.

Task Achievement

In Task Achievement, it's vital to address the prompt fully. Including a brief discussion on the viewpoint that sportspeople are overpaid, and why you disagree, would make your argument more comprehensive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

298 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that professional sportsmen and women are paid too much money nowadays in relation to their usefulness to society. Do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

In some countries younger people are neglacting their right to vote. What problems does this cause and what are some of the possible solutions?

'People who do not use social media networks* will always fall behind in career development opportunities.' To what extent do you feel that this is an accurate and important prediction?

The purpose of businesses is to make money and they should concentrate only on this. Do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customer travel to large shopping centres or Malls to do their shopping. Is this positive or a negative development?