IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some think that governments should tax unhealthy food to encourage people to eat healthier. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#think #governments #tax #food #people
In
modern
Add an article
the modern
show examples
 era, many are of the opinion that a
gevernment
Correct your spelling
government
 should
inpose
Correct your spelling
impose
 heavier tax on unhealthy
food
such
 as instant
food
 in order to foster
people
's eating habits to be more healthy.
Although
 there are some
people
 who are in agreement with
this
 viewpoint, I largely believe that there will be an alternative to
stay
Wrong verb form
staying
show examples
 healthy in
people
's lives by encouraging
people
 to have more regular exercise to be healthy. Proponents insist that it would be
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 effective way
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 government
imposing
Wrong verb form
to impose
show examples
 more taxes on
unhealty
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
 fast
food
such
 as burgers and pizza than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthy
food
ingredinets
Correct your spelling
ingredients
 to lead individuals to having healthy and fresh
food
 which may be
reletively
Correct your spelling
relatively
 affordable compared to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
instant
food
. As
this
 can be considered one of the factors which will reduce the consumption of unhealthy
food
, a salient example of
this
 would be that
people
 in developing countries are more likely to have cheap
food
 as
this
 would be the only
things
Fix the agreement mistake
thing
show examples
 that they can afford.
Therefore
, it
has
Verb problem
is
show examples
 a rationale that
people
 can argue that having more taxes on unhealthy
food
 might
affact
Correct your spelling
affect
people
's consumption of
having
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
unhealth
food
.
However
,
on the other hand
, there
would be
Verb problem
are
show examples
 other reasons why
people
 eat unhealthy
food
 rather than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fresh healthy
food
. One of the reasons can be that
people
 are already busy with their lives
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
work and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
outdoor
life
. In contemporary society, individuals tend to live by themselves to spend time outside of their
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
show examples
 and
this
will make
Wrong verb form
makes
show examples
people
 lack the time to cook for themselves with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fresh
food
 ingredients.
Hence
, if the government wants
people
 to build
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
, they should introduce some community workout facilities
such
 as
Add an article
a park
show examples
park
Fix the agreement mistake
parks
show examples
 or community-based
programes
Correct your spelling
programmes
programs
 and buildings for all community
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
 with great
accessibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
accessibility
show examples
 to promote
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
life
Replace the word
lifestyles
show examples
 for
indivuduals
Correct your spelling
individuals
. In conclusion,
although
 there are some
people
advocting
Correct your spelling
advocating
 that government should bring more taxes on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unhealthy
food
 to encourage
people
 to live
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
life
, I strongly disagree with
this
 viewpoint as there is
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 reasonable alternative to foster
community's
Correct article usage
a community's
show examples
 healthy
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
.
Submitted by yeseulyou92 on

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introduction conclusion present
A clear thesis statement within the introduction to guide the reader more explicitly could enhance clarity and coherence. It's essential to make your stance evident from the start.
supported main points
To strengthen your argument, include more specific examples and data to support your points. This will add depth to your essay and make your arguments more convincing.
logical structure
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all parts of the paragraph coherently support this idea. Transition sentences could be improved for smoother flow between paragraphs.
complete response
To improve task achievement, ensure your essay fully addresses the prompt. This includes discussing the extent of your agreement or disagreement clearly throughout, not just at the end. Providing counterarguments to your viewpoint could also enrich the discussion.
clear comprehensive ideas
To enhance clarity, focus on developing comprehensive ideas throughout the essay. Each paragraph should explore a single main idea thoroughly. Avoid making general statements without elaboration or specific examples.
relevant specific examples
Use direct, relevant examples to support your arguments. The examples should be specific and effectively illustrate the point you're making. Avoid overly broad or vague references.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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