IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this

#countries #people #work #travel #year #school #university #studies
It is widely acknowledged that in many parts of the world, adolescents are encouraged to take a gap
year
 before attending college.
While
 there are admittedly several drawbacks, I still believe that the positive influences of
this
 tendency are more considerable. On the one hand, taking some time off for travel and work before starting university life is disadvantageous to a certain extent because it may discourage some students from pursuing
further
 education. First of all,
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 may be harmful to their emotional and mental well-being. Because of traveling, they will be far away from their friends,
family
Correct word choice
and family
show examples
, and travel costs are frequently exorbitant for the young to see their
loving
Correct word choice
loved ones
show examples
 regularly.
Furthermore
, it is impossible for young people to enjoy their experiences in doing a job or
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 to a novel place but still manage an amount of time for revision, which may make them reluctant to resume the university curriculum.
On the other hand
,
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 or working before starting college provides significant benefits to knowledge and personal finance. The young will have opportunities to broaden their horizons about cultural heritage that may not be evident in a traditional classroom setting. If high school leavers have one
year
 off dedicated to traveling and new experiences, they will
enable
Correct your spelling
be able
show examples
 to explore their interests to make wise education decisions. A gap
year
 allows students to step back from the academic environment and explore different aspects of themselves.
Accordingly
, they will be more responsible and learn how to plan their lives ahead of time. In conclusion,
while
 taking a gap
year
 is not without harmful aspects, I would contend that the given advantages make it
become
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a good idea
Submitted by nguyenhoanghadl on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
To enhance task achievement, ensure your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. Expand on your points with more detailed and specific examples that directly support your arguments.
Coherence
Improve coherence by organizing your essay more logically. Introduce each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that signals the main idea. Use cohesive devices effectively to link ideas within and across paragraphs.
Cohesion
Enhance cohesion by ensuring smoother transitions between ideas. This can be achieved by varying your linking words and phrases instead of repeating them. Additionally, make sure your conclusion summarizes the main points made in your essay clearly and succinctly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural immersion
  • Life experience
  • Work ethic
  • Career readiness
  • Self-discovery
  • Delayed gratification
  • Intellectual stagnation
  • Financial implications
  • Social dynamics
  • Academic trajectory
What to do next:
Look at other essays: