IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the contribution of three sectors-agriculture, manufacturing and businessand financial service-to the uk economy in the twentieth century summerise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevent.

The graph below shows the contribution of three sectors-agriculture, manufacturing and businessand financial service-to the uk economy in the twentieth century summerise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevent.
The bar chart illustrates the support given by 3 fields - Agriculture , manufacturing, and
business
Use synonyms
 and financial services to the UK financial system in the twentieth century.
Overall
Linking Words
,
total
Add an article
the total
show examples
 contribution from the 3 sectors for the
economy
Use synonyms
 of the nation remain
steadily
Change the word
steady
show examples
 during the first half of the twentieth century and
reduce
Wrong verb form
reduced
show examples
 drastically over the
secound
Correct your spelling
second
 half.
Business
Use synonyms
 and financial field
contribution
Fix the agreement mistake
contributions
show examples
 to the
economy
Use synonyms
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased during the period dramatically
while
Linking Words
Agricultural
Change preposition
in Agricultural
show examples
 and Manufacturing areas, support dropped significantly. In detail, in a comparison of the year 1900 ,around 50% of the
economy
Use synonyms
 was
depended
Replace the word
dependent
show examples
on agriculture
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
nearly another 45% on manufacturing , and slightly less than 5% on
business
Use synonyms
 and financial services.
However
Linking Words
,
business
Use synonyms
 and financial services support increased
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
 a considerable amount to achieve the highest around 35% for the year 2000.
Otherthan
Correct your spelling
Other than
 that, the total contribution of 3 fields
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 nearly 99% of the
economy
Use synonyms
 in 1900 and remained
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
 same level till 1950 ,
while
Linking Words
 it declined over the next 50 years to post approximately 60% in 2000.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words business, economy with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remain" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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