it is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives
Taking
risks
is vital for individual lives professional or personal. Personally, the benefits of taking a chance outweigh the drawbacks because we can learn and know about the result of the opportunity
that we have decided. This
essay will discuss this
case.
On one hand, the benefit from
taking Change preposition
of
risks
is the huge opportunity
to be successful. People
who try to step forward are easily
to be a success person in the future because they do not allow themselves to stand in the same place. Replace the adverb
easy
For instance
, a
smart Correct article usage
apply
people
who have good academics are scared to take a chance for
Change preposition
on
student
exchange
and will never be an exchange
student
in the future. However
, students who have a standard academic but have a strong motivation to take risks
by joining the student
exchange
will have the opportunity
to be a candidate for student
exchange
.
On the other hand
, the people
that
decide to take a risk in their life will be a person who has a Correct pronoun usage
who
lot
of experience. People
who have a lot
of experience become wise people
because they are learning about failing or success in decisions
that they make. Correct article usage
the decisions
For instance
, athlete as professional
should improve their ability and decide to always try competition to make Fix the agreement mistake
professionals
opportunity
to be a champion. Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
This
journey makes them a lot
of experience between failure and successful
.
In conclusion, there are many benefits of taking a chance Replace the word
success
outweigh
the drawbacks whether in personal or professional lives. Correct pronoun usage
that outweigh
People
have a lot
of experiences and opportunities to be successful in the future if they want to take risks
in their lives.Submitted by writingieltsband9 on
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Grammar
Ensure to vary your sentence structures to demonstrate a range of grammatical forms and enhance readability.
Coherence & Cohesion
Incorporate a wider variety of linking phrases to better connect ideas and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Introduce more concrete, real-world examples to strengthen your arguments and demonstrate the practical applicability of your points.
General Writing Quality
Be cautious with spelling and punctuation to maintain a high level of precision in your writing.
Task Achievement
Consider developing your conclusion further to summarize the key points more effectively and provide a stronger final argument.
Introduction
Try to provide a clearer, more explicit thesis statement in your introduction that outlines your essay's stance and main arguments.
General Writing Quality
Proofread your essay to detect and correct any minor errors in word choice or sentence construction.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite
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