IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

it is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives

#people #risks #lives
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Taking
risks
Use synonyms
 is vital for individual lives professional or personal. Personally, the benefits of taking a chance outweigh the drawbacks because we can learn and know about the result of the
opportunity
Use synonyms
 that we have decided.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
this
Linking Words
 case. On one hand, the benefit
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 taking
risks
Use synonyms
 is the huge
opportunity
Use synonyms
 to be successful.
People
Use synonyms
 who try to step forward are
easily
Replace the adverb
easy
show examples
 to be a success person in the future because they do not allow themselves to stand in the same place.
For instance
Linking Words
,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
smart
people
Use synonyms
 who have good academics are scared to take a chance
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
student
Use synonyms
exchange
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 and will never be an
exchange
Use synonyms
student
Use synonyms
 in the future.
However
Linking Words
, students who have a standard academic but have a strong motivation to take
risks
Use synonyms
 by joining the
student
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exchange
Use synonyms
 will have the
opportunity
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 to be a candidate for
student
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exchange
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
people
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 decide to take a risk in their life will be a person who has a
lot
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 of experience.
People
Use synonyms
 who have a
lot
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 of experience become wise
people
Use synonyms
 because they are learning about failing or success in
decisions
Correct article usage
the decisions
show examples
 that they make.
For instance
Linking Words
, athlete as
professional
Fix the agreement mistake
professionals
show examples
 should improve their ability and decide to always try competition to make
Use synonyms
opportunity
Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
show examples
 to be a champion.
This
Linking Words
 journey makes them a
lot
Use synonyms
 of experience between failure and
successful
Replace the word
success
show examples
. In conclusion, there are many benefits of taking a chance
outweigh
Correct pronoun usage
that outweigh
show examples
 the drawbacks whether in personal or professional lives.
People
Use synonyms
 have a
lot
Use synonyms
 of experiences and opportunities to be successful in the future if they want to take
risks
Use synonyms
 in their lives.
Submitted by writingieltsband9 on

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Grammar
Ensure to vary your sentence structures to demonstrate a range of grammatical forms and enhance readability.
Coherence & Cohesion
Incorporate a wider variety of linking phrases to better connect ideas and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Introduce more concrete, real-world examples to strengthen your arguments and demonstrate the practical applicability of your points.
General Writing Quality
Be cautious with spelling and punctuation to maintain a high level of precision in your writing.
Task Achievement
Consider developing your conclusion further to summarize the key points more effectively and provide a stronger final argument.
Introduction
Try to provide a clearer, more explicit thesis statement in your introduction that outlines your essay's stance and main arguments.
General Writing Quality
Proofread your essay to detect and correct any minor errors in word choice or sentence construction.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
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