Some people say that what children watch on television influences their behavior, while others say the amount of time children spend watching television influences their behavior. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Nowadays, most
of
Change preposition
apply
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companies spend a lot of money on
adversting
Correct your spelling
advertising
and promotions for several reasons. Some argue that the marketing has achieved
attract
Wrong verb form
attracted
show examples
people
to purchase their
products
,
while
others believe that
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
do not follow or read promotions properly. In my opinion, I think that the marketing is able to push
people
to buy it. On the one hand, the main cause of adverts
which
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apply
show examples
that they attract individuals to use their materials is human nature.
In other words
,
people
are usually interest
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are usually interested
show examples
into
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in
show examples
what
that
Correct word choice
apply
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they see it.
Therefore
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
of large companies advertise their manufacturing.
For example
,
Correct article usage
the Iphone
show examples
Iphone
Correct your spelling
iPhone
show examples
company doubled their profits in 2011 in
comparating
Verb problem
comparison to
show examples
2010.
This
is
beause
Correct your spelling
because
Correct article usage
the Iphone
show examples
Iphone
Correct your spelling
iPhone
show examples
Organization created
really
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a really
show examples
facsinating vedio
Correct your spelling
fascinating video
for marketing their
products
and
spread
Wrong verb form
spreading
show examples
it in different countries. As
aresult
Correct your spelling
a result
, more and more citizenships had known about their technical
products
such
as
smartphone
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smartphones
show examples
,
computer
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computers
show examples
etc, and bought them.
On the other hand
, the main cause of promotions which
that
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apply
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it is absolutely ordinary
todays
Correct your spelling
today
and they can not encourage
people
buy
Add the particle
to buy
show examples
them is
giving
Verb problem
that they makes it
show examples
feel boring . Obviously, many
people
and customers complain about companies’ advertising .
This
is because when they want to spend time on
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
they
obligate
Wrong verb form
are obligated
show examples
to read or watch adverts and they take
marketıng
Correct your spelling
marketing
massages
Correct your spelling
messages
show examples
ragularly from shops where they bought their materials before.
Hence
,
people
prefer
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prefer to
show examples
avoid
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the annoying . Personally, I think that the perfect praise adverts
has
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have
show examples
push
Wrong verb form
pushed
show examples
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
to consume
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. In fact,
individiuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
affect
Wrong verb form
are affected
show examples
positively or negatively
from
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by
show examples
seeing
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
.
Thus
, big factories invest in following customers what they need to
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
it
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apply
show examples
or
interst
Correct your spelling
interest
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
int
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
use
Replace the word
using
show examples
.
For instance
,
Correct article usage
the head
show examples
head
Correct article usage
the head
show examples
manager of Zara Clothes Shopping company said that they
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
around one million dollars
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on
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to
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on
show examples
Correct article usage
the technology
show examples
technology
Correct article usage
the technology
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
. It can
following
Change the verb form
follow
be following
show examples
costumers
Correct your spelling
customers
show examples
to use their
products
if they need
and
Correct pronoun usage
them and
show examples
automatically send them their marketing
deal
Fix the agreement mistake
deals
show examples
. In conclusion, the advertising impact on encouraging to
Correct your spelling
buy
show examples
bu
Correct your spelling
buy
show examples
their
products
or not is
controversial
Add an article
a controversial
show examples
topic and
due to
the reasons
Correct your spelling
mentioned
metioned
Correct your spelling
mentioned
above
is
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
seems more logical that the marketing has ability
people
to purchase
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task achievement
To improve task achievement, focus on fully answering the given prompt by discussing both views and providing your opinion clearly. Ensure each paragraph contributes to a complete response.
task achievement
To increase clarity and the comprehensiveness of your ideas, expand on your reasoning with more detailed examples and explanations. This will help to make your argument more persuasive and easier to follow.
task achievement
Strengthen your essay by using a mix of specific, relevant examples and explaining in detail how they support your points. This will enrich your argument and make it more compelling.
coherence and cohesion
For a better logical structure, organize your essay into clear paragraphs with topic sentences that introduce the main idea of each paragraph. Ensure there is a logical flow from one idea to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your essay has a distinct introduction and conclusion. The introduction should present the topic and your thesis statement, while the conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure your main points are well-supported with explanations, examples, and arguments that logically follow from your thesis. This will make your essay more coherent and cohesive.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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