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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graphs below show the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period.

The graphs below show the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period.
#graphs #show #enrolments #students #australian #universities #ten #year #period
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The line chart compares the total
number
Use synonyms
 of foreign
students
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 and local
students
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 and the
enrollments
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 of each In Australian universities from 2001 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,the total
number
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 of International
students
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 kept rising
due to
Linking Words
 the continuous growth
ot
Correct your spelling
of
enrollments
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 whilst the total
number
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 of local
students
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 stopped increasing after 2007 as their
enrollments
Use synonyms
flactuated
Correct your spelling
fluctuated
fluctuate
 in the given decade.
According to
Linking Words
 the information shown in the graph, there were 20000 international
students
Use synonyms
 in total in 2001 which was twofold to the enrolled international
students
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 in the same year. Over a decade, the
number
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 of foreign pupils experienced a four times increase
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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reached
Wrong verb form
reaching
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 80000
students
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 with 40000
enrollments
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there were
Correct article usage
a totally
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totally
Replace the word
total
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400000
Change preposition
of 400000
show examples
 local ones in 2001 with almost 200000 local
enrollments
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.
However
Linking Words
, the total
number
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 of local ones witnessed a plateau for the
last
Linking Words
 three years after it grew to 600000 pupils in 2007.
Submitted by s99104032 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, students, enrollments with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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