Some believe that violent computer games are just a for of entertainment while others think that they lead directly to violent behaviour. Discuss both views and give you opinion.
Some argue that the purpose of
video
games
that contains
violence is to entertain, Change the verb form
contain
while
others argue that it can lead to aggressive behavior
. Change the spelling
behaviour
Although
there is a chance for children to become aggressive if they play violent video
games
without guidance from parents, I believe that it helps more in relieving stress than initiating violent activity.
On the one hand, some argue that online gaming can lead to aggressiveness. This
is especially applicable to children who play it without supervision from their parents. There is a chance that they with
get desentisized with violence and they will think that it is okay and normal to do the same. Correct your spelling
will
For example
, one study showed that kids who played violent video
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
are
more cranky after their computer was suddenly shut down. Wrong verb form
were
However
, I believe that if their guardians will
explain to them properly that there will be consequences if they imitate Verb problem
apply
such
activity, there is a low chance that these kids will become violent.
On the other hand
, video
games
can be a good way to relieve stress. After long hours from work or school, spending few
hours playing it with family and friends can be a good way of leisure time. It can help the mind relax and release the tension of the day. Correct article usage
a few
For instance
, games
like PUBG requires
playing with a group of people in order to defeat Correct subject-verb agreement
require
other team
. Playing it with friends and interacting with them, can help the player forget his stressful day.
In conclusion, I believe that Change the wording
another team
other teams
video
games
is
a good stress reliever for people and Change the verb form
are
it
can only lead to aggressive Correct pronoun usage
they
behavior
if children Change the spelling
behaviour
will
play Verb problem
apply
it
without supervision.Correct pronoun usage
them
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task achievement
To improve in Task Response, take the time to develop your arguments more fully. Making sure to have a more balanced discussion of both views before stating your opinion can make your essay stronger. Also, directly link your opinion to the arguments made for a clearer stance.
coherence cohesion
For better Coherence and Cohesion, focus on linking sentences and paragraphs more effectively. Utilize a variety of linking words and phrases beyond 'on the one hand/on the other hand.' Also, ensuring smooth transitions between paragraphs will strengthen your essay structure.