IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned, while others believe that people should be free to do any sports or activities. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #sports #activities
In recent days,
sports
 with
high
Correct article usage
a high
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 risk
to get
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of getting
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injured
Replace the word
injury
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are
Verb problem
have
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 bumped due
the
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to the
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 increasing popularity among
the
Correct article usage
apply
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young athletes and casual people, to experiment
a
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with a
show examples
strong feeling of adrenaline. Because of that are under the radar to be prohibited
for
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by
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who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
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believes
Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
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 are putting in
extremely
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extreme
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 danger and causing deaths with the opposite view of those who consider that any sportful person is responsible
of
Change the preposition
for
show examples
 his own decision and casualties. I am inclined to think that depends on how and where these
sports
 and activities are
practiced
Change the spelling
practised
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 and displayed and most importantly the regulations following them. On the one hand, dangerous
sports
 are in actuality a strong source of
economical
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economic
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 income
to
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for
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 the companies in charge to promote and supply
the
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apply
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excitement for the range of
sports
 people seeking a boost of adrenaline,
therefore
 every day more participants are joining
to
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apply
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sports
 involving risks which indirectly, because of the relevance of public retransmission and influence in the
sports
 community are not exclude of fatal accidents.
For instance
, Free-style skiing, scuba diving and parachuting. Are now,
sports
 well known and often part of the news relating accidents with an
associate
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associated
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 cost for
the
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apply
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society.
As a result
 of failure, in order to place measures or training before
leave
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leaving
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 the interested public to practice them resulting in unwanted avoidable situations.
On the other hand
,
Freedom
Correct article usage
the Freedom
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 to choose which activity or dangerous sport is developed during free time plays
and
Correct your spelling
an
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 important key role in our society as a human right and within the consequences of bad practising causing a not
well
Correct word choice
good
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 opinion among the public interested in as well between who gets affected for casualties.
For example
, a professional parachuting with
thousand
Fix the agreement mistake
thousands
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Change preposition
of ours
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ours
Correct your spelling
hours
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 on his profile is able to
performance
Replace the word
perform
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 a jump without help.
However
 illegal activities without any
taken
Verb problem
apply
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regulations are recorded and
showed
Wrong verb form
shown
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 by amateurs on social media
as a consequence
, people think that what a professional does
its
Correct your spelling
is
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 easy and
reachable
Correct word choice
accessible
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 for everyone. In my opinion, freedom to select which sport and activity is
putting
Wrong verb form
put
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in
Change preposition
into
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practise
Correct your spelling
practice
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 is important but
also
, the way personal decisions and consequences
are affecting
Wrong verb form
affect
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 these numerous performances and how they are controlled to avoid misconceptions or accidents.
Submitted by jcambronbustos on

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Structural Improvement
Consider structuring your essay with a clearer introduction, two or more body paragraphs discussing each view separately, and a concluding paragraph that summarizes your opinion. Make sure each paragraph has one clear main idea.
Cohesion Improvement
To improve cohesion, use linking phrases more effectively between sentences and paragraphs. Phrases like 'However,' 'On the other hand,' and 'For example,' are good, but ensure they lead to a clearly connected idea.
Evidence and Examples Enhancement
Support your arguments with specific examples. Instead of general statements about dangerous sports, use real incidents or statistical data to illustrate the dangers or benefits of these sports.
Grammar and Punctuation
Review grammar structures and punctuation. Correct use of articles, verb tenses, and sentence structure can significantly improve the clarity and professionalism of your essay.
Task Response Clarity
For Task Achievement, make sure to discuss both views evenly before presenting your opinion. Your opinion should be clear and supported by the arguments made in the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public safety
  • strain on public health resources
  • individual freedom
  • autonomy
  • personal growth
  • resilience
  • sense of accomplishment
  • proper regulations
  • safety measures
  • economic benefits
  • revenue from tourism
  • hosting events
  • injuries
  • fatalities
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