IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The use of recreational drugs is on the increase, especially among young people. Describe the reasons for this worrying issue and provide suggestions to minimize it.

#drugs #people #suggestions
Recreational
drugs
Change the noun form
drug
show examples
usage
, especially among
teenagers
, is currently in an increasing trend.
This
 essay will explain the two underlying causes which are social
pressure
 and
convenience
Correct article usage
the convenience
show examples
 of getting the
drugs
;
while
suggest
Wrong verb form
suggesting
show examples
to
Change preposition
that
show examples
conduct
Verb problem
apply
show examples
drugs
disadvantages
Correct subject-verb agreement
disadvantage
show examples
 socalization and establish
parents
 as
support
 systems that may hinder
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
 in trying the
drugs
. Young people's recreational
drugs
Change the noun form
drug
show examples
 consumption behaviour is driven by social
pressure
 and
convenience
 of the
drugs
Fix the agreement mistake
drug
show examples
usage
.
To begin
 with, during the time when
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
 are socializing with each other, they usually are
also
 using
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recreational
drugs
. In several cases in Indonesia,
for example
,
drugs
Change the noun form
drug
show examples
usage
 among
teenagers
 usually
are happening
Wrong verb form
happens
show examples
 during a party. The
drugs
, from the
youngster
's point of view, help them to be relaxed;
thus
, they can enjoy each other company.
Lastly
, the increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
drugs
Change the noun form
drug
show examples
usage
 was attributed to
convenience
Add an article
the convenience
show examples
 of getting the items. There is a case of
drugs
Change the noun form
drug
show examples
 distribution in Indonesia,
for instance
, that was made possible by inserting the
drugs
 in a candy-like package.
Therefore
, given the social
pressure
 and
convenience
 to retrieve the
drugs
, it explains why youngsters fall into consuming
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recreational
drugs
. Given the fact that the increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
drugs
Change the noun form
drug
show examples
usage
 among
teenagers
 is detrimental to the
youngster
's life, I suggest two measures should be taken which are to conduct
drugs
Change the noun form
drug
show examples
 disadvantages
socalization
Correct your spelling
socialization
localization
 and establish
parents
 as
support
 systems.
Firstly
, students need to be exposed earlier to the downside of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
drugs
 through socialization that can be conducted by schools. By understanding the danger, students are likely to avert
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
drugs
Change the noun form
drug
show examples
usage
.
Secondly
,
parents
 should monitor and
support
 their children especially to ensure they are occupied with positive activities only
such
 as learning, doing their hobbies, or volunteering in social activities. When the youngsters are busy with constructive activities, they will not have time to consume the
drugs
.
Thus
,
drugs
Fix the agreement mistake
drug
show examples
 danger socialization and
parents
'
support
 are crucial in preventing young people from
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
drugs
Fix the agreement mistake
drug
show examples
 abuse. In conclusion, the rise of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recreational
drugs
 happens because of social
pressure
 among
teenagers
 and easy accessibility to retrieve the
drugs
. Since
this
 is a devastating
phenomena
Change the noun form
phenomenon
show examples
, I suggest two approaches to tackle the issues which are
drugs
' danger socialization and parental
support
 system establishment.
Submitted by haaggurl_ on

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