IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Students should be allowed to choose academic courses or practical courses, e.g carpenters. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is considered by some that playing
video
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games
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 is harmless, or even
benefital
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beneficial
 for education,
while
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 others rebut that
this
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 hobby impacts
players
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 negatively.
This
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 essay will delve into both sides of
statement
Correct article usage
the statement
show examples
 before rendering my support for the latter one. Those in support of the latter stance might debate that the process of playing
video
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games
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 could promote
players
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’ minds when dealing with educational problems.
For instance
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,
Players
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 might fight with some rivals in the
games
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, which means they demand to figure out the main shortages of them, to be more specific, they should rapidly recognize the rivals’ features and find out the weakest ones.
In other words
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, these processes of overcoming the impediments in
games
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are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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resemble
to
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apply
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those for coping the educational problems
such
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 as mathematics or physical puzzles, which means if
players
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 could use the process of thinking
while
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 coping with educational problems, they might have a greater result compared to those have never touched
games
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.
Nevertheless
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, I would rebut that
video
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games
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 would lead
to
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apply
show examples
people to be addicted. Take students that keen on
this
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 fun as an example, they might
unable
Add a missing verb
be unable
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 to control themselves because of their
intension
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intention
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 to get a higher score than their friends or pass the entire game, which might lead to them
to be
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being
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 distracted by
this
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 fun
although
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 they should spend more spirit on their academic assignments and socializing. In
this
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 case, probably would they result in bad consequences in
study
Add an article
the study
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 and even lose their friends. In conclusion, playing
video
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games
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 is truly harmful to
players
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 because it would
diverts
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divert
show examples
 their concentration from their affairs on school or work
although
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 some contend it might improve
players
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’ minds.

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure your essay fully addresses all parts of the prompt. Include more varied and specific examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly. Ensure paragraphs are well-organized, with a clear main idea supported by examples.
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