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Writing Samples /
Band 5

It is often said that governments spend too much money on projects to protect wildlife, while there are other problems that are more important? Do you agree or disagree?

#governments #money #projects #wildlife
There are several
issues
 that a
government
 has to tackle.
Therefore
 it is argued that the
government
’s expenditure focuses too much on
wildlife
protection
,
whereas
, there are other more pressing
problems
.
While
 it is true, that it is important to preserve animals in a safe environment, I believe that other matters,
such
 as global warming or pollution, are more severe because they can not only
damage
Verb problem
apply
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a certain country but the whole planet. Regarding the environmental
issues
,
besides
wildlife
protection
 some other
problems
 are worth to be addressed by the
government
.
Firstly
, the crucial issue is global warming,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 affects everyone in the world.
Due to
this
 phenomenon, tons of other
problems
 are arising including climate change or air and water pollution. These matters are detrimental to animals and humans in the same way,
therefore
, the
government
 could emphasize the importance of these
problems
 and invest in sustainable practices,
for instance
 utilizing renewable energy sources
instead
 of fossil fuels, which are by far the largest contributor to global warming. Focusing
Change preposition
on these
show examples
these
Change preposition
on these
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problems
 at
first,
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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would enhance the ecosystem, and
Correct article usage
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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wildlife
 can
also
 benefit from it.
On the other hand
, apart from environmental
issues
, there are other
such
 concerning
problems
 related to the economy and society. These include an increasing unemployment rate, economic inequality, or low salaries for certain professions. Many people are affected by being unemployed and it
also
 has an impact on the economy too, with people not being able to afford certain services.
Furthermore
, obtaining a low salary is
also
 a pressing problem, which can lead to dissatisfaction in the society, that a
government
 has to tackle.
This
 is why I believe, dealing with society-related
issues
 is more important than
wildlife
protection
 because the economy is mostly driven by society In conclusion, the
government
 has to address a lot of
problems
 and, undoubtedly, it can be a difficult task to prioritize them. Despite the importance of
wildlife
protection
, I maintain that the other
problems
 I have highlighted are more pressing.
Submitted by rkerkovits on

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coherence cohesion
Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs more effectively. This can include synonyms, pronouns, and transitions that guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
To improve task achievement, make sure you thoroughly address both sides of the argument before presenting your opinion. This includes providing specific examples and details for each viewpoint.
task achievement
Deepen your analysis by exploring the implications or potential outcomes of the issues you discuss. This adds depth to your argument and shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecological balance
  • safeguard
  • natural habitats
  • foster
  • cultural of conservation
  • long-term ecological sustainability
  • economic benefits
  • significant source of revenue
  • investment
  • nation’s economic wealth
  • preservation of ecosystems
  • clean water and air
  • prioritization
  • multi-faceted government budgets
  • environmental protection
  • wildlife conservation
  • neglecting
  • detrimental effects
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