IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Write about the following topic: The media should include more stories which report good news. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words

#topic #media #stories #report #news
Honestly, I agree that the media should include more
stories
 which report good news as
storie
Correct your spelling
a story
 is a very good way to help the children
getting
Wrong verb form
get
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 their useful knowledge.
However
, that way still not
a
Correct article usage
apply
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fast enough to let the kids learn good news since the
mobiphone
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mobile-phone
,
laptop
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and laptop
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were
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was
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producted
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produced
 widely all over the world,
although
 it wasn’t good for
eyes
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the eyes
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 and
other part
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another part
other parts
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 of
body
Add an article
the body
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, especially
brain
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the brain
show examples
 will be not good if we spend hours of watching some social media, Youtube, Facebook, Tiktok, …
for instance
. Generally. I suggest that
stories
 should be populated
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
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apply
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worldwide. In the past,
stories
 had been known by people approximately 20 years ago but it was slowly forgotten nowadays. Individually, I think
stories
 made a lot of important things
such
 as it
teached
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taught
show examples
citizen
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citizens
show examples
 how to read and write. Since it was invented, everyone has read it
everyday
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every day
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.
Stories
 should be more in
the
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apply
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social media for the reason that
stories
 will be useful when we
used
Wrong verb form
use
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 mobile
phone
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phones
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is not good
Verb problem
,
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 and I think we should make those awesome
stories
 more popular as in the future,
stories
 may not appear
at
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in
show examples
this
 place
anymor
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anymore
.
On the other hand
,
stories
 are slowly
disappeared
Wrong verb form
disappearing
show examples
 so I want to own these things as much as I can. After all,
stories
 make me realize that they are very important, it makes me get higher
score
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scores
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 in literature, I appreciate that
stories
 are in
this
 life.
Submitted by ngovhngoc on

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Introduction and Conclusion
Your essay could benefit from a clearer introduction and conclusion, which would help to present your argument more effectively and to summarize it at the end. This structure keeps your ideas organized and makes your standpoint clear to the reader.
Support of Main Ideas
Try to develop and support your main points more fully. Including more detailed explanations and linking them directly to the question can make your argument stronger and more persuasive. This development gives depth to your essay and engages the reader more effectively.
Task Response
A greater focus on the task statement would enhance your response. The original question was about the inclusion of more good news stories in the media. It seems your essay drifted somewhat into discussing the value of stories in general without directly relating back to the media's role in reporting good news.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using a variety of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas. This will help your essay flow more naturally and make your points more coherent to the reader.
Individual Point of View
You express a unique perspective on the importance of stories in our lives, highlighting their educational and cultural significance.
Relevance to Prompt
You correctly identify the importance of good content in media and its impact on learning and literacy.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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