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Band 4

Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity?

#year #crime #rate #increases #rise #activity
The crime rate grows annually and
that is
 a fact. It can be burglaries, robberies, mugging, et cetera. There are different causes of that and some ways to prevent the number of cases connected with
a
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criminal activity. The crimes can be caused by
small
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a small
the small
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 amount of money in criminals’ budgets.
For instance
, people who work
on
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low-paid jobs, want to buy something or just feed their families and they go for
this
 action. Or there are
psychological
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psychologically
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 unstable persons and nobody knows what they want, why they do that and what actually going on in their heads. The ways to reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
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criminality depend on
ages
Correct article usage
the ages
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 of the bandits.
For example
, if we are talking about teenagers, it can be more love, spending time together,
basic
Correct word choice
and basic
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 knowledge about life and manners, from parents.
And if
Correct word choice
If
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 we take
adults
Fix the agreement mistake
adult
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 criminals, it can be some courses to improve persons’ skills in different areas,
increased
Wrong verb form
increase
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 payments for poor people and families and maybe somehow break the hierarchy structure
I n
Correct your spelling
in
 the country. Summing up, crime
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
Add a missing verb
have increases
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increases
Replace the word
increased
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 in all nations around the world, people joining mafias or gangs and
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is a huge problem for everyone. We discussed some
cause
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causes
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 of offences and ways to stop
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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.
However
, in my opinion, the biggest issue is that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 of almost every country does not want to pay and help the needy or
doing
Wrong verb form
do
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 it in
not
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apply
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significant quantities. Never the fact, that
Correct article usage
the behavior
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behavior
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behaviour
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 of every person begins since
the
Correct article usage
apply
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childhood and parents have to help kids and raise them in the right way.
Submitted by vgaidar2505 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Work on developing logical structure by clearly organizing your essay into paragraphs with distinct roles: introduction, body (each addressing a different cause or solution), and conclusion. Use transitional phrases to ensure smooth flow from one idea to the next.
Coherence & Cohesion
Provide a more in-depth introduction and conclusion. State your main argument or viewpoint clearly in the introduction, and succinctly summarize your discussion points in the conclusion, reinforcing your thesis or suggested action.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more specific examples and evidence to support your points. Real-life instances, statistics, or research findings can add weight to your arguments and make them more compelling.
Task Achievement
Expand your analysis of the causes and solutions to crime. Delve deeper into each point, offering a more nuanced exploration of why these issues arise and how they can be effectively addressed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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