In some countries today, children are taught from a young age that competition is important and that winning is everything. Is this a positive or a negative development?
In recent days,
people
are involved in the topic of a healthy lifestyle. Many people
believed
that training workouts help to stay fit. Meanwhile, others Wrong verb form
believe
claims
that well-balanced nutrition is the most important aspect of avoiding diseases and staying healthy. The two opinions each have their own benefits.
Change the verb form
claim
People
who used to work out, they
have lived a great deal longer than non-sporting Correct pronoun usage
apply
people
. The reason for this
is that a
physical activity Remove the article
apply
is dealing
with Wrong verb form
deals
the
stress, Correct article usage
apply
increasing
the level of energy and Wrong verb form
increases
having
Wrong verb form
has
impact
on Add an article
an impact
cardiovascular
system of Add an article
the cardiovascular
human
body. Add an article
the human
Moreover
, according to
the
research among population in the age Correct article usage
apply
from
18 to 45 in the state of California, approximately 67% of Change preposition
of
population
attends a gym three Add an article
the population
time
a week, so they get sick less than two times a year with a cold.
Turning to another group's opinion, nutrition plays Fix the agreement mistake
times
the
significant role in Correct article usage
a
human's
life. Change noun form
human
In other words
, the human's
body function depends on Change noun form
human
well-balanced
diet Add an article
a well-balanced
that
is including
an adequate amount of proteins, fats, carbohydrates and Wrong verb form
includes
fiber
. As a matter of fact, Change the spelling
fibre
human
should Fix the agreement mistake
humans
recieve
the necessary energy from Correct your spelling
receive
Add an article
the meal
a meal
meal
, because Fix the agreement mistake
meals
a
quality of food affects Correct article usage
the
a
human condition , Correct article usage
the
such
as mood, motivation and productivity during the day. For instance
, according to
research
Add an article
the research
of
Change preposition
by
the
Forbes magazine, Correct article usage
apply
the
person's nutrition impacts on Correct article usage
a
human's
condition by nearly 57% Change noun form
human
that
does not include other reasons Correct pronoun usage
which
such
as dream
, Fix the agreement mistake
dreams
mood
of close Add an article
the mood
a mood
people
and circumstances in a person's life
In conclusion, the two different views of key
to Add an article
the key
a key
healthy
lifestyle Add an article
a healthy
such
as sports and balanced
diet are related and Add an article
a balanced
has
their own advantages that help Change the verb form
have
people
to be fit and strong .Submitted by raxdiana4 on
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Task Achievement
To improve your Task Achievement score, make sure you directly address the question asked. This essay deviated from the original prompt about the impact of teaching competition to children and instead discussed the importance of exercise and nutrition for a healthy lifestyle. Clearly understand and respond to the given topic.
Task Achievement
Increase clarity and comprehensiveness by refining your introduction and conclusion. Your essay should start by directly addressing the essay question and end with a conclusive statement that summarises your viewpoint or findings, linking back to the question at hand.
Coherence & Cohesion
For better Coherence and Cohesion, work on the logical flow of your essay. Organise your arguments more clearly and use paragraphing effectively to distinguish between different points or perspectives. Transition words can help improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
To strengthen your argument, be sure to use specific examples that closely align with your main points. While you provide some research data, ensuring that your examples directly support your argument will make your essay more convincing.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?