IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries today, children are taught from a young age that competition is important and that winning is everything. Is this a positive or a negative development?

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In recent days,
people
Use synonyms
 are involved in the topic of a healthy lifestyle. Many
people
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believed
Wrong verb form
believe
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 that training workouts help to stay fit. Meanwhile, others
claims
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claim
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 that well-balanced nutrition is the most important aspect of avoiding diseases and staying healthy. The two opinions each have their own benefits.
People
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 who used to work out,
they
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apply
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have lived a great deal longer than non-sporting
people
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. The reason for
this
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 is that
a
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apply
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physical activity
is dealing
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deals
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 with
the
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apply
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stress,
increasing
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increases
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 the level of energy and
having
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has
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impact
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an impact
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 on
cardiovascular
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the cardiovascular
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 system of
human
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the human
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 body.
Moreover
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,
according to
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
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research among population in the age
from
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of
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 18 to 45 in the state of California, approximately 67% of
population
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the population
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 attends a gym three
time
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times
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 a week, so they get sick less than two times a year with a cold. Turning to another group's opinion, nutrition plays
the
Correct article usage
a
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 significant role in
human's
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human
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 life.
In other words
Linking Words
, the
human's
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human
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 body function depends on
well-balanced
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a well-balanced
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 diet
that
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is including
Wrong verb form
includes
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 an adequate amount of proteins, fats, carbohydrates and
fiber
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fibre
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. As a matter of fact,
human
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humans
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 should
recieve
Correct your spelling
receive
 the necessary energy from
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the meal
a meal
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meal
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meals
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, because
a
Correct article usage
the
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 quality of food affects
a
Correct article usage
the
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 human condition ,
such
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 as mood, motivation and productivity during the day.
For instance
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,
according to
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research
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the research
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of
Change preposition
by
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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Forbes magazine,
the
Correct article usage
a
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 person's nutrition impacts on
human's
Change noun form
human
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 condition by nearly 57%
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 does not include other reasons
such
Linking Words
 as
dream
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dreams
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,
mood
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the mood
a mood
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 of close
people
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 and circumstances in a person's life In conclusion, the two different views of
key
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the key
a key
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 to
healthy
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a healthy
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 lifestyle
such
Linking Words
 as sports and
balanced
Add an article
a balanced
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 diet are related and
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 their own advantages that help
people
Use synonyms
 to be fit and strong .

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Task Achievement
To improve your Task Achievement score, make sure you directly address the question asked. This essay deviated from the original prompt about the impact of teaching competition to children and instead discussed the importance of exercise and nutrition for a healthy lifestyle. Clearly understand and respond to the given topic.
Task Achievement
Increase clarity and comprehensiveness by refining your introduction and conclusion. Your essay should start by directly addressing the essay question and end with a conclusive statement that summarises your viewpoint or findings, linking back to the question at hand.
Coherence & Cohesion
For better Coherence and Cohesion, work on the logical flow of your essay. Organise your arguments more clearly and use paragraphing effectively to distinguish between different points or perspectives. Transition words can help improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
To strengthen your argument, be sure to use specific examples that closely align with your main points. While you provide some research data, ensuring that your examples directly support your argument will make your essay more convincing.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • achievement
  • drive
  • personal growth
  • self-esteem
  • resilience
  • perseverance
  • strategic thinking
  • pressure
  • time management
  • mental health
  • well-being
  • burnout
  • teamwork
  • cooperation
  • personal success
  • collaborative efforts
  • rivalry
  • camaraderie
  • unethical behavior
  • cheating
  • integrity
  • moral compass
  • long-term consequences
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
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