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Writing Samples
Band 7

Tourism has become one of the leading sources of revenue in many countries. Do the advantages of tourism outweigh the disadvantages?

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The question of whether the leisure industry ought to be the major means of income in some nations has prompted a substantial debate.
While
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 many advocate for
this
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, because of the numerous benefits
such
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 as increased employment opportunities for the local community, others contend against it since untouched vegetation is destroyed to build these sites. Analyzing
this
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 factuality will give a comprehensive overview of
this
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 subject matter. On the one hand, opening up new tourist sites provides job opportunities for the town's residents, which is their major source of living.
For example
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, the Anambra Modern cave site, located in my village, is the primary means of income for my town folks, offering many unskilled jobs
such
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 as; cooks, cleaners, cashiers and security. Clearly, many of my kin would have been unemployed if not for the cave leisure site.
Thus
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, one of the reasons why the advantages of tourism outweigh the drawbacks.
However
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,
on the other hand
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, natural reserves are destroyed to erect these centres which threaten our ecosystem. The conclusion of my recently concluded capstone project,
for instance
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, showed that 80% of trees in Greater Sudbury were brought down during the construction of various resorts,
as a result
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, the city faces extremely harsh weather during winter. Obviously, Sudbury would not face
such
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 drastic weather conditions if not for the touristy business.
Therefore
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,
this
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 is one of the reasons why the disadvantages surpass the merits. In conclusion, the issue if tourism should be the primary means of income in certain countries has sparked a considerable dispute. Many believe it is beneficial as it offers tremendous employment possibilities for the host community,
whereas
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 others think it is a demerit because it harms the environment. Examining these facts has given
an
Correct pronoun usage
me an
show examples
 in-depth understanding of
this
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 topic.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay effectively introduces and concludes the discussion, which positively impacts the coherence of your argument. To further improve, ensure your introduction succinctly presents your stand on the issue, informing the reader of the direction your essay will take.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a range of linking devices to ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs and within sentences. This will enhance the readability of your essay and the logical flow of your ideas.
Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that your essay addresses all parts of the prompt comprehensively. This includes a balanced discussion of both advantages and disadvantages, as well as a clear conclusion that reflects your position.
Task Achievement
Incorporate a wider range of specific examples and evidence to strengthen your arguments. While you've included examples, more detailed and diverse illustrations will make your point more compelling and support your claims more effectively.
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