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Band 4.5

Many people are travelling to other countries. Why? Is it a positive or negative development?

#people #countries #development
In recent years,
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 has witnessed an increase in the number of tourists. In
this
 essay, I will give the reasons for the trend, from my perspective, I believe that
this
 trend has positive impacts on
people
's lives.
To begin
 with, there are certain reasons why more
people
 travel.
First,
people
 may want to learn about other
nations
Change noun form
nations'
nation's
show examples
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
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 during their trips by getting exposed to local
people
, cuisine, and customs. In
this
 way, they could have more chances to compare their culture to other ones, which helps them to broaden their horizon about the world.
In addition
,
tourism
 enhances global connectivity and cultural exchanges.
Furthermore
, by bringing together
people
 from diverse backgrounds and fostering interactions between them,
tourism
 serves as a catalyst for mutual understanding and appreciation of different cultures, traditions, and perspectives.
This
 exchange of ideas and experiences not only enriches individuals but
also
 promotes tolerance and harmony on a global scale. From my viewpoint, the trend may bring many benefits. First and foremost,
tourism
 has made a huge contribution to the economy.
As travelers
Correct word choice
Travelers
show examples
 may spend an excessive amount of money on food and hotel, which not only helps mitigate the unemployment rate in
tourism
 but
also
 in other professions. In conclusion, more and more
people
 travel as
tourism
 is a way for
people
 to acknowledge
about
Change preposition
apply
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other nations'
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
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 and it can bring
people
 closer.
Submitted by hoaan2409 on

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task response
To improve your score in Task Response, consider developing your points further with more detailed examples and explanations. This will help demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic and ensure a more complete response to the prompt.
coherence cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, work on varying your sentence structures and transitioning smoothly between ideas. Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of your essay and make your arguments more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
While you've done well at introducing and concluding your essay, make sure each body paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea, followed by supporting sentences with specific examples or evidence. This structure will strengthen the coherence and cohesion of your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • affordability
  • accessibility
  • cultural exchange
  • global connectivity
  • economic contributor
  • environmental impact
  • cultural erosion
  • infrastructure
  • overtourism
  • global perspective
  • socio-economic implications
  • career opportunities
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