IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people argue that the use of animal in medical research for the benefit of human it is acceptable which other caim that it is wrong dicuss both views

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People
Use synonyms
 have different views on how medical
research
Use synonyms
 should be conducted and tested.
Although
Linking Words
 many
people
Use synonyms
 support the use of animal
experimentations
Fix the agreement mistake
experimentation
show examples
 for developing medicines, I personally believe that animal testing is morally wrong. The main reason why some
people
Use synonyms
 value animal
experimentations
Fix the agreement mistake
experimentation
show examples
 to conduct medical
research
Use synonyms
 is because animal testing has contributed to many life-saving cures and treatments. It is true that nearly every medical breakthrough in the
last
Linking Words
 100 years has resulted directly from
research
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 using
animals
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.
For example
Linking Words
, experiments in which dogs had their
pancreases
Fix the agreement mistake
pancreas
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 removed led directly to the discovery of insulin, critical to saving the lives of diabetics.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it is impossible to release new drugs to the market before proving it has no harm to humans and laboratory mice are appropriate
research
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 subjects because they are similar to human beings in many ways.
However
Linking Words
, I support
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
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 who consider medical development that
involved
Wrong verb form
involves
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 the use of
animals
Use synonyms
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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cruel and unacceptable. I believe that the lives of all creatures should be respected and we, humans, have no right to suffer
animals
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 for our own
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
show examples
. Governments should invest in developing alternative methods that can replace using animal
experimentations
Fix the agreement mistake
experimentation
show examples
 when doing medical
research
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.
For example
Linking Words
, a software program can be developed to model a human immune system and new drugs can be tested on the software rather than
animals
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. In
this
Linking Words
 way, no
animals
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 will suffer from the medical tests and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society can still benefit from medical development. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 it is undoubtedly true that animal testing has helped scientists in drug developments and medical discoveries, I believe that the benefits to humans do not justify the suffering caused to
animals
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 and we should use alternative methods when doing medical
research
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 that do not involve
animals
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 suffering.

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Task Achievement
Ensure your introduction more clearly presents the two contrasting views on animal testing before stating your personal stance. This makes it easier for the reader to understand the context before delving into the discussion.
Task Achievement
Try to discuss both views equally before stating your personal opinion. This ensures a balanced discussion which is key in this type of essay question.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas more effectively. Examples could include conjunctive adverbs (however, therefore, furthermore) and phrases that make contrasts or comparisons clearer.
Coherence & Cohesion
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each representing a different aspect of the discussion. This helps in maintaining logical flow and making your argument more coherent.
Task Achievement
Support your arguments with more specific examples and evidence. This demonstrates a deeper understanding of the topic and strengthens your position.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • medical advancements
  • biological similarities
  • ethical guidelines
  • humane treatment
  • cruel and inhumane
  • alternative methods
  • computer models
  • cell cultures
  • human tissue
  • animal rights
  • ethical concerns
  • welfare
  • life-saving treatments
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