IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Most people do not care enough about environmental issues. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Almost all
people
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 are not concerned about the problems of the
environment
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 which have
occured
Correct your spelling
occurred
 recently. I agree with
this
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tragedy
Replace the word
tragic
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 opinion in some content and will explain why. One of the reasons is that the environmental issues are growing even today when many
people
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 recognize
about
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apply
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the importance of protecting the
environment
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.
For example
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, there is a lot of news about climate change. Needless to say, the problem has many bad effects on our lives.
For example
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, it brings us a lack of vegetables or seafood, and it can cause famine in some regions of the world.
In addition
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, It affects the change in the ecosystem for wildlife animals and some of them will extinct. But even in the
last
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 year, the climate was the highest throughout the period when we
record
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recorded
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 in all countries. Recently, there have been a lot of rules or
lows
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laws
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 decided by many countries, which restrict the amount of carbon dioxide or other chemicals.
For instance
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, in Japan, if plants expand the chemicals which is prohibited by the low in the air, they are not allowed to operate for a
while
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.
Then
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 many companies are trying not to use or to reduce the chemical. It looks like most
people
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 really care about the
environment
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,
however
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, the true reason is to protect their business. In conclusion, some
people
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 notice the importance of saving our
environment
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 but others do not and tend to just focus
their
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on their
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 advantages. I believe most
people
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 will not take any action voluntarily by themselves so governments should make more severe rules.

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Task Achievement
Ensure the introduction clearly presents your viewpoint regarding how much people care about environmental issues, and refine your thesis statement for clarity.
Coherence & Cohesion
In the body paragraphs, clearly define each main point and make sure it directly supports your argument. Using varied sentence structures and connectors could also enhance clarity and flow.
Task Achievement
In the conclusion, succinctly summarize your points and restate your stance in a way that reflects the analysis provided in your essay. Additionally, make more direct and personalised assertions about your view on the issue.
General
Pay attention to grammar and punctuation, as errors can detract from the clarity and professionalism of your writing. Practice regular revision to identify and correct mistakes.
Task Achievement
Work on developing your examples more thoroughly. For instance, when mentioning laws in Japan, delve deeper into how these laws impact environmental efforts. This will strengthen your argument and provide a clearer insight into your point of view.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • prioritize
  • immediate needs
  • connect with
  • distant
  • abstract
  • economic considerations
  • growing awareness
  • active participation
  • initiatives
  • movements
  • impacts
  • well-being
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