IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is becoming increasingly popular to have a year off between finishing school and going to university. What are the advantage and disadvantages of this?

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In these
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These
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 days, there is a trend of students taking a year off during their school
life
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. It is called the 'gap year
program
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'. There are diverse opinions about
this
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program
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. I will explore the disadvantages and advantages in
this
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 essay. First of all, opponents of
this
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program
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 believe that the gap year
program
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 is likely to give students too much freedom. Especially their parents might think so. They believe that too much freedom could be used to spoil their
children
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. They explain that their
children
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 could not handle too much free
time
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 out of the blue. Another problem is a financial issue.
Time
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 spent taking rest needs to be spent with more money. If they don't have money, the
time
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 would be useless.
On the other hand
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, advocates believe
this
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program
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 could be a decent opportunity for students. In fact, there are aspects that
children
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 have learned from their parents's orders. They can explain that their
children
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 need to find a true calling in their lives.
Thus
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, the
children
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 can realize their self-esteem and real wants during free
time
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.
At the end
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 of the day, our
life
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 is just like a road searching for happiness in our lives.
Life
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 is just like a box of chocolates. We don't know what we will obtain from
life
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's box. I believe that it would be crucial
time
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children
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have
Fix the infinitive
to have
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their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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time
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 for their future.

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task achievement
Your essay provides a balanced view on the advantages and disadvantages of taking a gap year, which is good. However, it would benefit from more specific examples to support your points. Instead of general statements, include personal anecdotes or researched examples to make your arguments more convincing.
task achievement
Ensure clarity in your argument by reinforcing your thesis statement in both the introduction and conclusion. Strengthen your conclusion by summarizing your main points and stating your personal stance more clearly. This will improve the task achievement score.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay follows a logical structure, progressing from an introduction to body paragraphs and a conclusion. However, the transitions between ideas can be smoothed out by using more cohesive devices, such as conjunctions and connective phrases. This will enhance the flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid colloquial expressions and idioms that may not be universally understood or appropriate for formal writing. Phrases like "Life is just like a box of chocolates" can detract from the academic tone of your essay. Opt for more formal expressions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • broadening horizons
  • personal development
  • global issues
  • employability
  • resume
  • competitive edge
  • volunteering
  • internships
  • work placements
  • independence
  • problem-solving skills
  • maturity
  • procrastination
  • financial means
  • accumulating debt
  • academic skills
  • formal education
  • readjust
  • rigors
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