IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Write about the following topic: More and more people today want to own famous brands of clothes, cars and other items. What are the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#topic #people #brands #clothes #cars #items #development
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Some people believe that having popular
brands
 like Chanel, BMV, iPhone etc., to
show
 abilities to earn high salaries or
show
 a success of their life. In my opinion, I disagree with
this
 message because they have ways to
show
 off wealth without buying a popular brand and I explain the reason below. In today’s world, increasing advertising
creates
Verb problem
causes
show examples
 people to buy a high brand because companies make more profit.
For example
, Chanel bags are used on top of celebrities to carry on bags and create emotion as a dream,
in addition
, the ad
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
surrounding
Wrong verb form
surround
show examples
 luxury
brands
 like supercars, huge houses and dresses with high
brands
 that
show
 the success of life.
As a result
,
are
Correct pronoun usage
there are
show examples
 enormous orders in a short time. It is undeniable that actors and advertisements have influenced the decision to buy.
However
, ads have impacted
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children because they tend to buy following the idols,
while
 they
rely
Add the preposition
rely on
rely upon
show examples
 money
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
.
On the other hand
, some people believe that advertising cannot access their minds because they don’t attend to materialism. They believe that things can be
use
Change the form of the verb
used
show examples
instead
such
bags
Change preposition
as bags
show examples
 in
Add an article
the market
show examples
market
Fix the agreement mistake
markets
show examples
 and shops are
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 function but different prices, materials, and the image of
brands
.
However
, high
brands
 have benefits as well to aiming at value creation to
economy
Add an article
the economy
an economy
show examples
 with encouraged by national companies are invested and employed in the country. In conclusion, it seems advertising has
inflected
Verb problem
influenced people
show examples
 to purchase products,
although
, it is expensive.
However
, we should consider to qualities, product functions and money in
wallet
Fix the agreement mistake
wallets
show examples
 without only brand images.
Submitted by chompoo34888 on

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task achievement
To improve your score on task achievement, make sure to comprehensively address both parts of the prompt. After explaining the reasons why people want to own famous brands, you should clearly state whether you believe this is a positive or negative development and support your opinion with strong arguments and examples.
coherence cohesion
Enhance coherence and cohesion by organizing your essay more logically. Use clear paragraphs to separate different ideas, and make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea. Use transition words to smoothly connect ideas and paragraphs. This will make your argument easier to follow.
task achievement
To support your main points more effectively, include more detailed examples and evidence. This helps strengthen your arguments and makes your essay more persuasive. Make sure the examples are directly relevant to the topic and clearly support the point you are making.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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