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Band 4

The restoration of old buildings in major cities around the world costs enormous amounts of money. This money would be better spent on providing new housing and road development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#restoration #buildings #cities #world #costs #amounts #money #road #development
Nowadays,it’s indeed that a lot of old structures need to
refurbish
Wrong verb form
be refurbished
show examples
 which involves a
numerous
Correct word choice
large amount
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 of expenditure.
thus
 some people think
this
 budget
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to construct new
buildings
as well as
 infrastructure. I disagree
this
 issue of old status is not
improtant
Correct your spelling
important
 any more.
To begin
 with , the main reason for my disagreement is that ,the old
buildings
 are provided the history of cities.
For example
 in Milan, a lot of
heritages
Fix the agreement mistake
heritage
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 collapsed by cannon during World War II, the
budings
Correct your spelling
buildings
 disappeared except the cathedral of Milan, after the war,restoration of those
storical
Correct your spelling
historical
buidings
Correct your spelling
buildings
building
 was regarded as the priority thing by the
italian
Change the capitalization
Italian
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 government
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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cost huge amounts of money. they indicate the long story of
countries
Change noun form
countries'
country's
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origine
Correct your spelling
origins
 and their ancestral values which
were
Verb problem
have
show examples
 changed over the generations，These are things that new
buildings
 and urban infrastructure cannot achieve.
on the other hand
,If we now ignore the restoration of old
buildings
 and only focus on the construction of new goods, it will affect urban development. In the future, many old houses will lose their use value. When these are no longer useful because they have not been repaired, they will still occupy the place where they are and will become garbage without
useful
Add a missing verb
being useful
show examples
. Just like the many abandoned
buildings
 we see now, there is no
used
Replace the word
use
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 but still standing in that place will not only affect the construction of new
buildings
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 affect urban development. When they are demolished, it will cost more to solve the construction waste problem. in conclusion,
although
 repairing some constructions
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 a large
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
budget for
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
,in the long-term,they obviously have their contribution to countries' comprehensive development.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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